Fifty Shades of Football

Fifty Shades of Football – The Blonde Side’s Guest Post on

When’s the last time you put all your faith in a man, much less 11? Well it’s time.

The NFL and College GameDay are back (sans the lovely Erin Andrews) and it’s time to brush up on some gridiron lingo, some do’s & dont’s and just some fun ways to make it through the season with your sockbun in tact. There’s no two-hour window to call in and vote for your favorite, just 60 minutes to sweat it out for the W and then get in everyone’s face screaming and cheering.

Tight Ends– No, not just Ryan Lochte and Magic Mike, but otherwise known as an offensive player who is usually one of the bigger guys on the team and plays a dual role of a blocker and a receiver. Good example: Owen Daniels with the Houston Texans (for all of the above reasons).

GameDay Colors– The ability to finally recognize the difference between Texas A&M “maroon” and Florida State “garnet”. Not to mention all the various shades of orange, including but not limited to the burnt variety. 

Eye Black– Just a smidge under your regular non-season eyeliner, at an all-time thickness of about 1/2inch, otherwise known as the grease applied under a player’s eyes to reduce the glare.

Replacement Refs– Kind of like that one time your hairdresser went on vacation and you used her assistant and ended up with a real life hot mess on your head. Replacements are never as good as the real thing.

GameDay– Let’s not overcomplicate things…

Tailgating– The only time hanging out in a parking lot isn’t considered trashy (unless you’re in Gainesville, then be sure to add jorts). Also, calorie counters needn’t apply.

32– A number that refers to NFL teams in the league, not just Baskin Robbins flavors.

Accent Nails– During football season, your middle finger becomes your only “accent nail” to opposing fans for 17 straight weeks, no matter what Glamour or Vogue Magazine says.

“ing”– In grammatical terms, adding “ing” to a verb is known as a gerund. In football terms however, it is known as the newest way to turn a player’s last name into a verb.

Example #1: Griffining – the pose Washington Redskins quarterback, RG3 makes while on the ground after throwing a touchdown pass, with both hands in the air for celebration.

Example #2: Tebowing – getting down on one knee as a signal for prayer or to give thanks for a ridiculous hail mary that should not have been caught that will air over and over on ESPN for weeks.)

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