Shit Cruise

Jayme Lamm—freelance sportswriter and proprietor of TheBlondeSide.com—is currently stranded aboard the Carnival Triumph, a cruise ship that has been without power for four days after an engine room fire. We’ve received sporadic dispatches from her over the past few days via text message, and she’s agreed to let us post them in this space. Everything [sic]’d.

Literally stranded at sea. Using plastic bags to bathroom and NO ELECTRICITY.

Barely alive.

[The worst thing I’ve witnessed is] the toilets that fell off the wall because they were so full and shit and urine floating around.

Two people were banging in my tent the first night and I watched I was so bored.

Food hasn’t been a huge issue, but it’s not good. Jelly & bread and zucchini & red onion sandwiches.

Some lady was SELLING Immodium.

Woman died yesterday of a heart attack.

They closed the bars Sunday when the fire happened. Luckily I brought a flask. And Ambien.

The Bachelorette Party before shit got real. Literally.

They won’t let us outside because people are holding up sheets with messages. The first three nights we slept outside under tents made out of our bedsheets. They made us come in. They said safety reasons but it’s not.

Today they cleaned the hell out of this ship, served LOBSTER FOR LUNCH, crew is wearing matching hats.

Y’all better be enjoying your Valentine’s flowers while we’re defecating in red plastic bags.

People are spelling “HELP” with their bodies. Our theme song has been Alicia Keys: “This Boat Is On Fire.”

We are going 1mph.

Update (6:44 p.m.): Some lady just told me she took the batteries out of her vibrator to use her fan.

To see the full post (and the comments, which are a must read), visit the Deadspin website.

To see all the pictures (before, during and after the cruise), visit The Blonde Side’s FB page.