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How to Kick Game at a Game

Photo courtesy of Huffington Post

Photo courtesy of Huffington Post

You always said your perfect girl will love sports as much as you do, so don’t be shocked when you see said girl a few rows up at the Yankees game or excitedly cheering on Big Ben while spilling beer and shouting a few unladylike words.

It’s the perfect breeding ground for a sport-filled romance, but there are a few things you can say to get yourself benched before the game even starts. And just because she looks like the perfect catch doesn’t mean you have to be that guy using that tired cliché.

Pick up lines to try:

– Get the beer man to send her an $8 beer and give her time to enjoy it before you approach. Anyone older than 21 knows $8 beers aren’t fun to buy, and a decent guy probably wouldn’t waste his money.
– “You must be good luck, we’re playing well tonight.”
– “We’re celebrating the win after the game with a drink, you should join us.” (Equally okay: “We’re commiserating tonight’s terrible loss at the bar across the street. you should join us.”)
– Making playful bets can be a good idea, i.e. “I bet you a dollar if he strikes out,” or if he “hits into a double play.” It keeps the game interesting and will help your chances of upping the ante to move to a bar after the game.
– If you missed the last play, ask her what happened. Simple as that. If she missed it too, then make a joke of it.
– Ask her who her favorite player is and why. Take an honest interest in her response… and don’t argue with her about it.
– If you’re at a college football game, just make out with the girl in question after a touchdown or opposing interception. It’s college, so odds are she’s down for making out. As long as that’s not her boyfriend standing next to her. (Note, this never fails at Texas A&M, so I’ve heard…)

Pick up lines that’ll get you punched in the dome:

– “My wife hates sports – I wish she were as cool as you.”
– “Can you kick as high as the cheerleaders?”
– “I’d love to see you eat a hot dog.” (Even worse: denoting a footlong)
– “Do you even know any of the player’s names?”
– “That jersey is becoming on you. Because I know if I was on you, I’d be cumming too.”
– “I bet I can get to 2nd base with you faster than Carlos Lee.”
– “Because we’re at a hockey game, do you know any words that rhyme with PUCK?”
– At a soccer game, do not tell her you used to be a soccer player and “soccer players do it for 90 minutes.” That’s not only creepy but entirely too long.
– “I bet I could easily slide right into your home base.”
– Pointing to a player on the field and telling her he’s your Eskimo Brother.
– “We just scored, now it’s my turn!”
– “We just scored a touchdown, now let me touch down those pants.” (Or any cheeseball reference that likens your potential with the sport – i.e. “scoring” or “you’re my goal” or “taking you home would be a touchdown” or most certainly anything about “balls.” Ball references are most definitely off limits. Also, “you’re the perfect catch” should probably not be said, ever.)
– Do not challenge her love or desire for the game or her team. Playing what you think is a “fun” game of trivia is usually not fun and will result in one of the following: being ignored or getting a beer thrown in your face.

When the buzzer sounds, the only thing that really matters is whether you were a good sport about your approach. You may strike out here and there, but at least you’ll go down swinging. And maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll hit a homer. Okay, enough with the puns.

To view this original article on The Blonde Side’s COED Magazine column, click here.