A Disgruntled Heat Fan’s Observations From Game 5 in San Antonio

San Antonio, first of all, congrats on your successful blackout. Wait, nevermind.

Let me back up and start with this – I am in fact a disgruntled Miami Heat fan (not to be confused with a bandwagon disgruntled Heat fan), so any comments alluding to “she’s just pissed her team lost” will be rightfully ignored, dismissed and mocked because you my friend, are stating the obvious.

Here is my list of the 10 most annoying/random observations from my friend Drew and I last night at AT&T Center:

10. Hootie! I loved seeing Hootie sing the national anthem, but having Blowfish there would have been icing on the cake.

9. Inside Secrets. It was very San Antonio of you to have a mariachi band play a timeout at center court, but from a newbie to this arena, I was confused why this marked the loudest Spurs fans got all night. Were they talking shit about LeBron in Spanish and I just wasn’t aware? As always, I’m confused.

taco cabana

Nothing says KISS CAM like melted cheese San Antonio


8. Taco Cabana Kiss Cam. Call me a hopeless romantic, but don’t most stadiums/arenas have a more fitting sponsor for the in-game kiss cam? In Houston, they have a dentist promising beautiful smiles. But this go round in San Antonio, y’all have the Texan Taco Bell equivalent. Nothing spells romance like melted cheese. (Actually, that does sound awesome…).


Text LASIK for a bad officiating call in the NBA Finals 2013=

7. Text LASIK To 45384. Was it just me, or was it an eerie coincidence this particular advertisement only came up when there was an officiating call that didn’t go San Antonio’s way? Me thinks good ole David Stern would not endorse this particular sponsorship.

6. My homeboy, Alonzo Mourning. This guy is the whole reason I became a Heat fan back in 1995, and he was in attendance looking mighty dapper. But Zo got shitty seats, about six rows up from the court. I realize it’s an away game, but it’s ALONZO MOURNING. What happened to that Southern hospitality?

5. Rick Fox is not a VIP. Among other notable things, this cat was married to the beautiful Vanessa Williams, but the 3x NBA Champ had to go through the common folk entrance in front of a bunch of intoxicated and obnoxious fans (myself included) – just felt weird.

4. 80’s Cover band dressed like the Spurs Silver Dancers. The after party and free concert, Overtime, just outside the arena, featured a free concert from the entertaining 80s hair band Metal Shop. Metal Shop coincidentally was dressed very much like the Spurs dance team, keeping the crowd pumped up after the big win.

san antonio

The Coyote, sans pants

3. The Coyote. Does anyone else not think it’s super creepy the mascot wasn’t wearing pants? If I walked around the arena in just a Spurs jersey and no pants, I’d be arrested. Or the fact he had more costume changes (sometimes wearing game shorts or leather chaps) than Mariah Carey on an episode of MTV Cribs? Or the fact he was using a tiny piece of notebook paper with the words “GET LOUD” barely legible in black ink? With his feeble attempt at poster board signs, puffy paint and construction paper as props, I’m scared to ask if a small child is missing half his science project somewhere around the San Antonio area. The only sign that was big enough to see had upside down words! And perhaps it’s important to note that only in Texas can someone dressed in costume stand in front of 18k+ people and shoot a gun into the crowd.

2. The Blackout that wasn’t. This was the worst blackout ever for multiple reasons. Even when the team gave 18k+ fans a FREE Spurs t-shirt on their seats before the game, only 1/3 actually wore the shirts (or anything black). Oh and by the way, did anyone realize it was Miami who wore black uniforms during your beloved blackout while the Spurs wore white? Was there some miscommunication there?

1. Chris Bosh. 

In all honestly, San Antonio dominated my home team last night and deserved to take the series 3-2. The fans were friendly and despite the loss and dismal play by Miami, it was a great atmosphere for any sports fan. As I mentioned to my friend Drew after the game, I proclaimed Miami is a much better team than San Antonio, to which he casually and intelligently replied, “that’s why it’s a 7-game series – whoever wins is the better team.”

To read this original article and The Blonde Side’s column on COED Magazine, click here.