2013 Texans Woes

Arian Foster injured and out for season (photo via SI)

Arian Foster injured and out for season (photo via SI)

I’ve been taking an increasingly undue amount of flack for my recent posts and Sports Uncensored segments, particularly when it comes to the reigning AFC South champs, the Houston Texans.

“Losing to the No. 26-ranked Raiders dropped the Texans another spot in the Power Rankings, for what is again their lowest ranking to date. Houston checks in at No. 29 this week, ahead of only the Falcons, Vikings and this week’s opponent, the Jacksonville Jaguars,” via a recent ESPN article.
Let me start with this: I want the Houston Texans to win. I want a fun, entertaining, high-fiving and Bud Light drinking season. I want to use my extended credit limit on hotels in New York in hopes of catching the Super Bowl with the Houston Texans front and center, like we all expected them to be at the beginning of the season.
But that’s not happening. In fact, it’s the absolute furthest thing from happening. Amanda Bynes will probably be sober before the Texans make another appearance in the post-season again. I hate it, but it’s true.
For those of you bashing my negativity, let me also say, I love these guys and their heart. I’m friends with many of them and see the hurt in their eyes and hear it in their voices when they talk about this season, the same season we all thought made us Super Bowl 2014 contenders. I promise you it hurts each and every one of those guys more than it hurts even the biggest of fans.
A recent Houston Chronicle article started with this famous Albert Einstein quote and I’m not sure there’s a more fitting one in existence: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Hello Kubiak, perhaps Einstein was speaking to you?
In no particular order, here’s what the Texans have endured this season, i.e. parlaying the insanity:
Pro Bowler Owen Daniels out with a fibula fracture in Week 5. Sure Garrett Graham has done a phenomenal job as a replacement, but when one of your most reliable tight ends is no longer an option for your struggling quarterback, no matter who it is, that hurts.

Texans quarterback issues

Texans quarterback issues

Speaking of quarterbacks lets only briefly discuss Matt Schaub’s woes this season. Schaub, bless his little NFL heart, set an NFL record, but not the kind he had hoped to set. Schaub set a record for throwing a pick-six in four consecutive games and the mental demons continue to get the best of him. Then he goes out with an injury.
TJ Yates comes in and doesn’t impress fans the way everyone had hoped. Womp. Womp.
Case Keenum, the hometown local favorite, comes in, plays great, gets benched, which confuses every human who watched even a moment of NFL this season.
Head Coach, Gary Kubiak, collapses on the field and suffers a mini-stroke, scaring everyone.
The Texans set a franchise-record of eight straight losses. Again, another record we’d preferred to have avoided.
Arian Foster acts like a hot mess towards heckling fans, replays his nagging injury, which has now led to surgery and the loss of an entire season, not to mention a whole lot of money down the drain.
Another running back, Ben Tate, suffers fractured ribs, still trying to play through the pain, Texans run game takes bigger hits than a Tim Tebow roast.
Three players are released from the team for still-sketchy and unconfirmed reasoning, one of which a high draft pick, which is a waste in and of itself, and a much-needed running back to aid in the newly desolate run game without Foster and Tate teetering on the edge.
The Texans biggest free agent signee, the same guy that got everyone all warm and fuzzy, Ed Reed, gets released for having absolutely zero impact on the Houston Texans, surprising us all. Eleven seasons with the Baltimore Ravens and only nine games with the Houston Texans, where he only played in seven and was paid $6 million for those seven lousy games. The Texans were 2-0 with Reed coddling his hip injury on the sidelines and 0-7 with him on the field, yet he still has the nerve to say the players, the ones who actually played, got outplayed and outcoached. Ugh…ok Mr. Reed – you only took 12 of a possible 69 snaps that game, so you may want to…
Anyways, good luck in New York.
Brian Cushing down with another season ending injury (AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

Brian Cushing down with another season ending injury (AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

And we can’t forget the awful Cushing injury for the second year in a row. Cushing is a mainstay in a leadership role and on the defensive line, adding to yet another blow this season.

Oh, did we mention fans boo’ing their own teammates, setting $200 jerseys on fire in drunken stupor and hopes for world wide internet fame, and cheering our own players injuries leading to Texans players begging fans to act “smart” and “normal” and “with class.” That wasn’t necessarily a highlight in the Texans Fans Are Classy reel seen throughout the NFL.
Oh, and then there’s laces out Randy Finkle Einhorn Bullock, who can’t kick a field goal when we need it most, having only nailed 14 of his 23 attempts thus far. Accordingly to Grantland, Bullock is nearly twice as bad as the second-worst kicker in the league.
But after all that, you still want me to be positive about this team? How’s this for positivity: we tailgate better than anyone else in the NFL, our cheerleaders are the hottest, and we are destined to have a better season next year, simply based on the numbers game alone? How’s that for positivity?
If the season ended today, we’d end up with at least a top five draft pick, so that’s something to be optimistic about. And the strong class of talent coming out of the draft could be a huge bonus for Houston, but the question is, what position are we most desperate for? And do we have faith in GM Rick Smith to draft position players the way we need them? I think so, but not everyone agrees.
I’m still a Texans fan, but I can’t sit here and lie to you, there isn’t much good going on. I wish there were. I will tell you I love seeing these Texan players in the community giving back each and every week even after a hard loss and I get pumped seeing all the super fans still supporting the team. But when we talk about play on the field, I’m about as optimistic as I can get without lying straight to your faces.