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Life Coach: Session 4

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Everyone always says life doesn’t have to be so complicated. If that’s true, then WHY IS IT SO DAMN COMPLICATED?

Maybe it’s just my life, but nothing seems easy. Absolutely nothing. Going to the post office? A nightmare and then some. Paying a bill online? Some new glitch in the system, always. Go out of town and your power “accidentally” gets turned off. It’s always something.

So imagine my surprise when my session this morning started off with, “Start with a celebration – what’s going right?”

Funny how that simple question made the wheels in my head start turning. I was so ready (as always) to talk about what’s wrong and what needs to be fixed that I rarely take the time to say, “hell yes, this is awesome,” about a situation I’m in.

Sally told me she’s starting to see a theme in our conversations – I’m really hard on myself. Truth of the matter is, she’s right. I have to be. I don’t have a family around me praising me or telling me what I need to do, I don’t have a boss or co-workers, or a roommate, it’s really just me, so I have to be hard on myself.

Part of my action plan/homework this week is to pay attention to the language I use towards myself. Instead of yelling at myself, fuming and saying, “I’m so lazy, I have too much shit lying around the house, I should have done this weeks ago,” I should rephrase it along the lines of, “I’m a person who values a simple life, lets spend time to get rid of old stuff.” I don’t know if I’m sold on that process, but I’m willing to give it a try.

We also talked about my dating life. I mean, what is a life coaching session for a 33-year-old single female without talking about the lack of a dating life?

I recently (super briefly) “dated” a guy who was all wrong for me. I mean, if I had to write down everything I didn’t want in a guy, it would have been this guy’s exact dating profile. I won’t go into details, but basically, he’s a lot younger than me, he still lives at home (seriously, slap me when you see me), doesn’t really have a job, and a bunch of other nonsense.

As I was telling Sally how I knew from the start it wouldn’t last and it was a stupid idea, I also said I liked the idea of feeling wanted. I’m that hopeless romantic who likes to hold hands and cuddle (at least before it’s time to actually sleep, then roll over out of my way please) and in the end I really want that happily ever after. This guy would have never given that to me. I’m not sure he’ll ever give that to anyone, but that’s a different story.

Anyways, after telling Sally about this situation and her remaining completely non-judgemental, which was shocking, she said something pretty profound. “Dating someone you know you don’t want isn’t valuing yourself.”

Judge me all you want, but one of my biggest goals in life (yes, I used the word goals here) is to find a man I can start a life and a family with. Sally made me realize that if I’m busy spending my time hanging out with a kid who can’t give me what I want, then I’m not valuing myself and the things I really want in life.

My homework this week includes:

– Declutter. I want simplicity in my life and if you’ve ever seen my apartment, I’ve got shit to do.

– Be clear on the guy I want. Make a list. Sally says to “be hardcore about it.”

– Join a dating site. (Still debating this since I haven’t had much luck finding the non-crazies out there. If you’ve had good experiences on one or know anyone single in the Houston area, be sure to holler…)

– Start meditating for five minutes a day. I am still trying to get better at this.

– Take one step towards publishing my memoir. This is a very big item on my to-do list and it’s just been sitting there, idle. I need to start reaching out to literary agents and publishers again, just one step at a time.

Learn more about my life coach Sally and her Whole Life Strategies business here.