“Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary?”
After an experience last week, this is a simple guideline Sally recommended to check myself (before I literally wreck myself).
Last week I was on a press trip with eight other travel bloggers/writers. It’s always a unique gathering of quirky individuals (definitely included myself in that descriptor) from all parts of the world with different views on pretty much everything.
During our trip, one of the girls casually said, “you sure do moan a lot.” My response at the time was that I was just saying what everyone else was thinking.
I’ve had a few days to think about it, and she was right. Up until now I justified my “moaning” and complaining two ways: people have always said they love how unfiltered I live my life and how open I am about things and many times I’m just making an observation, not necessarily complaining.
But if a complete stranger (a sweet one at that) can say this after knowing me for a few days, there’s got to be some truth behind it. And if I’m being totally honest, I’ve often questioned this before.
I dated this guy for a while. He was an awful boyfriend and is an awful human (those of you who know me, can you guess who?), but at one point during our relationship he made an extremely valid point that has stuck with me.
One of the toughest parts about my job as a writer is that I communicate for a living. Think about that for a moment. I get paid to talk (or write), and I pride myself on not keeping things bottled up inside. At one point he told me that I don’t need to tell him everything.
When you’re in a relationship, things are always going to bother you. He’s going to drive under the speed limit (a huge pet-peeve of mine), he’ll chew his gum too loudly, he’ll forget to text back – whatever it may be. But if you constantly nag and tell him (or even just a friend or co-worker) all the things they are doing wrong, it gets old. Real quick.
If a healthy and loving relationship is at the top of things I want in life right now, I need to remember to look at the positive side, and that goes for everything in life.
Sally also told me about the 10/10/10 rule:
Ask yourself – will this matter in 10 minutes, 10 weeks or 10 years? She says there are levels of discernment and I don’t have to totally censor myself. I should remain true to myself, but I should ask does this really matter, before I jump into saying my thoughts out-loud?
So that’s my main homework this week: to basically think before I speak and ask myself – is it kind, is it true, is it necessary. Necessary is the one I need to pay the most attention to. What about you?
She also re-reminded me that I need to start meditating and suggested this article from Mindful to explain the process a bit better.
My other piece of homework is to work on my vision. Think Big she says. Sally says to visualize what you want, to make it known to those around you. The more you think about it and visualize it, the more you believe it and the best part? She says everything I’ve told her I wanted, I deserve it. That’s what I need to remember.
Meet my life coach Sally (from Whole Life Strategies) here. She does all of her life coaching sessions online, and over the past month, she has been a huge help in keeping things in perspective and helping me move forward instead of remaining stuck like I have been.