Running with Ruby

Ruby & The Blonde Side

Ruby & The Blonde Side

This one time I went running with a dog.

That was the last time I went running with a dog.

Her name is Ruby, and she’s a golden retriever and lab mix. She’s cute, but still a puppy. I should remind you I have a 23lb teacup chihuahua, so running with a dog is not really my thing. For obvious reasons. I’m not sure if my pup is 23lbs because I choose not to run with him or if I choose not to run with him because he’s 23lbs. But that’s neither here nor there.

Ruby’s owner, Sally, said she’s “good to run with,” so naturally I took her word for it. Here’s what good ole Sally forgot to mention:

1. Dogs (not unlike humans) poop when they run. Thankfully Sally had a poop bag tied to the leash, but when I went to pick it up pushing my hand through one side, there were holes in the bag (yup, visual). And there were six construction workers standing by staring at me. That was awkward for multiple reasons. Oh, and there wasn’t a trashcan to be found anywhere.

2. As a puppy, Ruby liked to bite her leash, pulling it away from me, thinking it was a game. I’m not the best runner to start with so all my focus needs to be on actually running, not an animal. This in turn, shortened the leash, making it an awkward length between the two of us causing me to stutter-step behind her. Perhaps ideal for cross-training, but nothing else.

3. Running on the bike path in South Lake Tahoe, it never failed that when a bike passed in either direction, Ruby tried to chase it. The same went with squirrels, leaves, trash, and so on. I guess the bonus here was that my pace was quickened against my will.

4. We ran across a homeless man laying in the bushes and in true Lassie form, Ruby ran over to him, before I had even noticed there was in fact a human on the ground. I’m not sure who was more frightened by this act, him or me, but it surely wasn’t Ruby.

Ruby's clearly in charge here

Ruby’s clearly in charge here

5. If there is anything, I mean anything, interesting on the ground (say like a half eaten apple), Ruby will swiftly veer to one side pulling you along just to eat it, without warning.

[Today’s running accessories: I ran in my favorite New Balance 1400s, my lululemon speed shorts & my #nolimits tank, listened to the “No Doubt Radio” station on Pandora to kick it old school, ran a 8.3mph pace and finished 1.75 miles using the Nike+ running app before promptly returning the animal back home. Ruby however made a bigger mess drinking her water when we got home though. Go figure…]

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Playboy Fantasy Baseball Challenge

Win a Trip to the Playboy Mansion by Playing Fantasy Baseball

Win a Trip to the Playboy Mansion by Playing Fantasy Baseball

Dreams can come true: Win a trip to the Playboy Mansion by Playing Fantasy Baseball

Seriously, what if we said you could pretend to be the GM of a MLB baseball team and draft your very own starting lineup? And what if that winning lineup got you an invite to the Playboy Mansion, velour robe and all? Oh, and a cool $75k? You’d think we were crazy, right? But crazier things have happened. Like someone naming their baby North West.

Turns out, dreams really do come true. StarStreet will give you a budget of $100k (play money of course) to build your very own glorious fantasy baseball team for one day. In true fantasy form, every player is priced based on what they’re expected to do, and you create your starting lineup.

From there, you can enter that team into tournaments ranging from big prize pools to head-to-head games. To make it more of the real deal, fantasy players can deposit money into their accounts via PayPal or credit/debit card so you’re playing for real money and can withdraw your winnings (with no fees) through PayPal or by requesting a check. You’re free to edit your teams up until game time, watch the live scoring on StarStreet’s slick interface and, at the end of the night, whoever has the most fantasy points wins the game and the prize money associated with it.

Photo via COED Magazine

Photo via COED Magazine

To be part of the Playboy Fantasy Baseball Championship is also pretty easy. StarStreet is hosting 40 qualifiers over the course of the season (don’t panic, you still have some time).

The qualifiers range in buy-in levels, and there are free contests EVERY DAY where you can win yourself a free qualifier ticket. Unlike traditional (read: old school) fantasy leagues, those on StarStreet are daily contests, so you can join when you want and/or play as often as you wish. The winner of each qualifier gets a ticket to the championship and get ready for it: THE CHAMPIONSHIP IS HOSTED AT THE PLAYBOY MANSION.

For specific questions about this contest, visit the StarStreet website or email them directly team@starstreet.com and good luck!

COED Magazine (nor The Blonde Side) has nothing to do with this contest; we’re just trying to help your dreams come true. If those dreams include winning large sums of money and hanging with Playmates, of course.

To see this full article on the COED Magazine website, click here.

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red, white, blue & lulu

The Blonde Side in lululemon in South Lake Tahoe

The Blonde Side in lululemon in South Lake Tahoe

Red, White and Blue, look at all my new lulu! (I’m a rhymer too!)

As I started this post and was about to say there’s nothing that screams Team America more than red, white and blue workout gear from lululemon, I retracted that statement, as lulu is based out of Canada.

But nothing says you love the home team like sporting the patriotic colors red, white and blue, especially with the 4th of July fast approaching.

Items pictured to the left and why I love them:

In the Flow Crop: I’ll be the first to admit it – these pants look weird before you put them on. Because they’re made without leg seams (to avoid chaffing), the bottom of the pants bell out, but it creates the perfect fit once you put them on. They are considered “no fuss crops,” and I couldn’t agree more. They are basically an extension of your skin, and so comfortable. They also have the gusset to prevent cameltoes and that’s a huge win for mankind.

Price tag: $78

Forme Jacket: Made out of lulu’s signature fabric, luon, this jacket has a four-way stretch and is great for running or yoga and it super easy to layer, thanks to the thumbholes. There are vents under the armpits to help air those bad boys out and it’s a great all around jacket for pretty much any activity. #formejacket

Price tag: $108

red, white and blue lulu

red, white and blue lulu

RUN: Featherweight Singlet (in red): Perhaps one of the cutest/most flattering lululemon tanks I’ve ever put on. Not yet online (at least not that I can find), this loose tank is perfect for a hot run or even a night out. Seriously, it’s that cute, and I’ve been known to wear workout gear to a bar or dinner with friends. The tank has mesh panels for ventilation which is perfect for that Houston summer heat I live in. And the slit up the back middle is super sexy, whether running or just hanging out.

Price tag: $68

Items pictured to the right and why I love them:

RUN: Speed Short (in white): If you’ve ever seen my Instagram photos, you know how much I love these shorts and how often I wear them. If these shorts weren’t so great, I’d almost be embarrassed to wear them so often. To note, these shorts are great for us gals with bigger thighs full of muscle. Thanks to the “inherently wicking liner,” the shorts stay comfortably in place, which is great for running and other activities. Also, the white color looks great on tanned legs and perfect for the summer!

Price tag: $54

RUN: Swiftly Scoop SS Tech (in purple/blue): I couldn’t find the exact shirt online (the Swiftly Scoop is a popular shirt for lulu), but this is the new scoop neck in a short sleeve version. Here’s the kicker for this amazing shirt: it is anti-stink. Yup, you heard me. So next time you see me wearing this shirt two days in a row, it’s because of the X-STATIC fibers that actually inhibit the growth of odor-causing bacteria in the shirt. WINNING | NOT STINKING.

Price tag: $58

Energy Bra (in red): This is a light support bra for yoga, that is designed for the C and D cup yogis out there with medium coverage. For me, it’s a great sports bra for running, because my girls don’t move too much, if you know what I mean. There are also removable pads in the bra. Note, most sports bras at lululemon seem to run small, so be sure to go in and try them on.

Price tag: $48

Cool Rackerback (in red): I have this tank in about every color, but the red is definitely my favorite for the upcoming 4th of July! This is a versatile, multisport racerback made with a four-way stretch fabric that is breathable (luon). The tank features flat seems for chafe-resistance and comfort. Good for just about anything and comes in just about every color.

Price tag: $42

*Note, not all red, white and blues will be available online, you may have to check the awesome store near you.

Enjoy #thesweatlife everyone!

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Quotes & Proof Branding

Ric Flair is the man

Ric Flair is the man

Quotes make the world go round. While I don’t have any empirical data on this, it certainly makes my world go round. And with social media and the ease of sharing things, The Blonde Side decided to create a set of shareable quotes, branded specifically with the TBS logo. After shooting a message out on Twitter, quite a few notable designers responded back, but the folks at Proof Branding caught out attention and we set out on our first (hopefully of many!) partnerships.

How did Jayme | The Blonde Side connect with Matt | Proof Branding: “Jayme and I connected in the early stages of The Blonde Side and it’s been pretty damn incredible to see her grow and evolve over the past few years. She knows her shit when it comes to sports, but more importantly, isn’t afraid to bring her own personality into her editorial process – that truly is what sets her apart and is the mark of a great writer,” Matt says.

“It’s a pleasure to partner with The Blonde Side on this project and it’s so important, especially in today’s journalistic environment – to pair the visual with the written word to offer up content that is engaging and memorable. Jayme does the hard work of cranking out great content – and we’re happy to step in and make it look (even sexier) than it already does.”

Awe Matt, now I’m blushing! I owe you a case of your favorite beer!

A little more about Matt with Proof: Matt Chevy, the Founder/Brand Craftsman of Proof is a die-had Chicago sports fan. “Bears, Bulls, Hawks, and yes, even the lowly Cubs (my family’s favorite saying rings true with Cubbie fans everywhere…’Maybe next year’) – that damn goat! I’m also a Titans Fan but ever since we came up one foot short of winning the 1999 Superbowl, I’ve had a bad taste in my mouth,” Matt says. (If you too are a fan of craft beer, Chicago sports teams, or branding at its finest, be sure to follow Matt on Twitter.)

The gal behind the graphics: Emily! She’s awesome! Emily and I worked side-by-side, via email of course, to work on these graphics creating a professional yet fitting look for The Blonde Side. Although not totally invested in sports (yet), this is what Emily had to say about sports: As far as “my teams” — I’m not invested in sports whatsoever, but I can say that I love US Women’s soccer. As a kid, I idolized the entire team in the days of Mia Hamm and Brandi Chastain, and this year I got to go to the gold medal match at the London Olympics — a rematch against Japan from the World Cup. We won, and it was powerful and nostalgic. My dad coached my soccer teams growing up and taught me to love the game, it was my first trip abroad, and the crowd broke a record for attendance at a women’s Olympic event. So it was a wonderfully full-circle sports-loving moment.

(You can follow Emily on Twitter too.)

More about Proof: Proof is a full-service branding company based in Nashville, Tennessee that does a lot of creative work – logos, websites, print pieces, etc. – but they do it all through the lens of branding, encouraging clients to take a step back and think holistically, and strategically, about their overall brand – their big dreams and strategic goals.

A big thanks to Matt and Emily with Proof and all the other partners that have helped grow The Blonde Side brand over the years!

Be sure to follow The Blonde Side on FB and Twitter to see all the newest quotes and definitely share them around those crazy world wide webs we all live in. If you have any favorite sports, fitness or motivational quotes, leave a comment and maybe we’ll add it to the already stellar collection!

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Game Seven (photo via ESPN)

GAME SEVEN

Game Seven (photo via ESPN)

Game Seven (photo via ESPN)

Like every big championship or postseason, everyone has an opinion, including but limited to your local barista who probably doesn’t speak a lick of English yet somehow is convinced LeBron sucks.

Let’s get this out of the way; I’m a Heat fan. And for the sake of everyone calling me a bandwagon, it’s been documented on the world wide web for many years, but for you newbies, it dates back to 1995 when my neighbor, Alonzo Mourning, was traded to South Beach…err, Miami. So while it’s true I do love me some King James, chalk and all, the dude was in elementary school when I became a fan, and the same goes for the remaining parties in the Big Three.

But this NBA Finals matchup isn’t a piece of cake and it’s worthy of numerous debates and analytics – this isn’t Miami sweeping the Bucks or San Antonio dominating that trendy purple team from Los Angeles – this is the finals and these teams, both chock full of veterans are vying for the very same Larry O’Brien Championship Trophy. The series now tied at 3, all comes down to what ESPN calls the best two words in sports: Game 7. And I couldn’t agree more. (Although, it does seem rather pointless to have played six games which now seem completely irrelevant since it’s yet again back to the final score of one final game…)

Miami went into the finals with a franchise-best regular season record of 66-16 (yeah, that same team that went on a 27 game win streak earlier this year but can’t seem to win back-to-back in the postseason) and San Antonio with an almost equally impressive 58-24, who have been manhandling the Heat the same way the Kardashians did Kris Humphries.

If the Spurs win, it would be the fifth title in 15 years finally designating them as a Dynasty in many eyes, and if the Heat win, it’d be a back-to-back title win and the third in eight years – certainly not a bad matchup for a much anticipated series. Not to mention, with these two teams and their coaches’ decision to rest their big men in their only meeting earlier this year where Miami swept San Antonio 2-0, we don’t have much to gauge it on, who can guard who and who’s going to go off – most of it is just speculation, and CONGRATULATIONS, there you have 99% of all sports conversations EVER.

I get that most of y’all hate seeing one of those big-market teams dribble their way into the finals – unless you’re a hardcore Miami, LA or New York fan, you don’t really want to see them make it all the way, but you have to admit it makes for an interesting and entertaining series, one that NBA and TV execs are reveling in, as am I.

But let’s take a minute to debunk the biggest myth about this matchup that’s going around like a dirty rumor in a sorority house:

Age:

Believe it or not, as most media are desperately trying to make you believe, this isn’t an old geezer of a team competing against a brand spanking new squad with young legs. It isn’t David vs. Goliath, to be frank; it’s the Miami Heat against the San Antonio Spurs, a pretty damn even matchup, which this series, now tied, has very much indicated.

As Michael Rosenberg with SI wrote last week, “Yes everyone, the San Antonio Spurs are so old, the jokes about them being old are old. The biggest problem with the jokes? The Spurs are younger than the Heat.“

According to Rosenberg, in Game 1, the average age of a San Antonio player was 29.5 while the average age of a Miami player was 30.3. Sure, there’s a pretty hefty age gap between head coaches Spoelstra and Popovich, and even though Tim Duncan has played in an NBA Finals game in three separate decades, it isn’t nearly the disparity many think.

Miami: LeBron James: 28, Chris Bosh: 29, Dwyane Wade: 31, Shane Battier: 34, Mike Miller: 33, Udonis Haslem: 33, Ray Allen: 34

San Antonio: Tim Duncan: 37, Tony Parker: 31, Manu Ginobili: 35, Danny Green: 25, Kawhi Leonard: 21, Tracy McGrady: 34

And speaking of Tracy McGrady, that brings me to another very valid point, especially for those in good ole Texas, specifically Houston…

Do y’all really want to see San Antonio win this thing and hoist up that Larry O’Brien trophy just 200 miles West of us?

I see a lot of Houston rooting for San Antonio and I can’t figure out why. Is it that Texas pride bottled up inside you that just doesn’t die? Is the hatred for Kobe Bryant so far gone that the Texas folk are clamoring to see Tim Duncan get his fifth ring, which would tie him with the Black Mamba? Do y’all really hate Miami that much and if so, why? You can’t still be angry about The Decision, can you?

These are all questions the loud-mouthed fans at the bar can’t seem to answer when I pose them. Have y’all not forgotten about that T-Mac guy? Even Amanda Bynes could have handled his potentially faux injury causing him to hobble off the court and give up on the Rockets while still racking in a good portion of their salary cap. Rockets fans can’t want a guy who quit on them to win a ring, especially after joining a contender’s bench the last possible week of the season, can they? Is the I-10 rivalry only relevant in the regular season or just within the confines of our great ginormous state? What would Moses Malone think of you Red Rowdies jumping on the “Beat the Heat” bandwagon? Wow, sorry, lots of rhetoricals for ya.

But here’s my biggest question of all:

For those of you simply rooting for San Antonio because you “want to see a Texas team win,” let me ask you this – would Texans fans ever root for the Cowboys? They are still in Texas, am I right?

And just in case you aren’t a big basketball fan and looking for a reason to tune into the Finals, maybe one of these will help:

  1. Try counting the number of tattoos on Birdman (and see how many times he shoves guys in the paint)
  2. Check out the Heat Hater signs in the stands or marriage proposals or baby-daddy proclamations to LeBron
  3. Join the Twitter conversations and see what’s trending for the game. When LeBron lost his headband in the fourth quarter of Game 6, even the most novice sport’s fan would have been highly entertained.
  4. Who flops more: Chris Bosh, Shane Battier, LeBron James and Manu Ginobili (make a friendly wager with a friend during the game or that cute guy/girl next to you at the bar).

On a parting note, did you know Duncan, Parker and Ginobili are the only three teammates to make the NBA Finals four times who did not play for the Los Angeles Lakers or Boston Celtics? That sounds like a pretty Big Three if you ask me…

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LeBron #NoHeadband

#NoHeadband

LeBron #NoHeadband

LeBron #NoHeadband

Twitter does this funny thing during a big sporting event – it goes off, even when Chris Bosh doesn’t. There are many times Twitter and their beloved hashtags become more entertaining than the game itself. If last night wasn’t such a H-U-G-E comeback for the Heat in Game 6, Twitter and the #NoHeadband trend would have had my full attention.

LeBron losing his headband in the 4th quarter had the same effect a wardrobe change at a strip club does – it changes the game entirely. Losing that headband coincided exactly with the Heat turning around the subpar game of basketball they had been playing the previous three quarters. Or maybe it was also the yellow rope the arena crew was sectioning off in preparation for the inevitable Spurs postgame NBA Finals trophy presentation.

After two back-to-back postgame press conference questions fervently asking The King “about the play you lost your headband,” and SportsCenter noting that by 1am, there were 107 fake LeBron headband Twitter accounts, the headband thing took on a life of its own.

User @brendanohare hit the scenario head-on (no pun intended) with this tweet:

Imagine being someone who doesn’t follow sports and trying to figure out the connection between basketball and headbands right now—
Brendan O’Hare (@brendohare) June 19, 2013

We’re all still speculating and ramming our own recommendations down Twitter’s throat wondering if LeBron does in fact goes sans headband tomorrow night for the final game of the season, the same game ESPN says are the best two words in sports: Game 7.

For now, here are some of the funniest LeBron Headband tweets I saw floating around those crazy interwebs:

https://twitter.com/BrianMFloyd/status/347191779797377026

Racking up another triple-double and forcing winner takes all Game 7, Heat fans all across the country are pretty damn happy that headband was MIA.

To see all the funny tweets in the original article on CBS Man Cave Daily, click here.

You can also follow me on Twitter: @jaymelamm – although, full disclosure, I’m not nearly as funny as these characters. The witty nature comes and goes.

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The Blonde Side's legroom at Astros Game

10 Advantages of an Astros Game over an NBA Finals Game

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The Blonde Side's legroom at Astros Game

The Blonde Side’s legroom at Astros Game

In a short span of 24 hours I went from the raging and intoxicating excitement of Game 5 of the NBA Finals in San Antonio to a Monday night Astros game in Houston. Let that sink in for a minute. That’s like driving a Bugatti and then having to hitchhike.

Rather than going the negative route, which I often do with the Astros, I figured I’d play Positive Peggy and list some of the benefits of such a dismal turnout at Minute Maid Park – things that were a bit more difficult at AT&T Center just the night before were a piece of red velvet cake last night. Fervent yawning aside, even on a four-game win streak for the Astros, there were some advantages to having the 1,263,240 square-foot ballpark all to yourself and just a few close friends.

10 Benefits of Attending an Astros Game you won’t find at the NBA Finals

10. Free Tickets. Having worked for the Astros years ago, it’s not terribly hard to get free tickets, but walking up to Minute Maid Park last night, people were practically begging you to take tickets off their hands. And good seats too. (Opposed to the $650 ticket price for Game 5.)

9. Free and Easy Parking. Yup, just like the Dierks Bentley song. No need to arrive early to sit in traffic and be on the lookout for a spot, and no need to try and “beat the crowd” upon exiting, unless of course you’re just that bored, which is understandable.

8. Cell Phones. What was impossible the night before, took just seconds last night. We were able to post photos to Facebook and download that new Taylor Swift album with ease, as opposed to the FAILED message I got trying to upload an Instagram photo the night before that subsequently drained my entire battery.

Also, please note the difference in comments received. At Game 5 they were along the lines of “OMG, so jealous, I love your life, I wish I was there!” At the Astros game they were more like “Wow, you must be bored” or “Wouldn’t you rather be watching hockey or catching up on sleep?”

7. Leg Room. Stretch out and relax, this isn’t a United flight and there’s no one in front of you to make it awkward to prop your feet up.

6. Team Store. Want an Astros shirt? No problem! They have them in EVERY SINGLE SIZE (as opposed to Game 5 where there were slim pickins’).

5. Upgraded Seats. At MMP, there’s no need to wait for the StubHub Move of the Game for better seats, just get up, act like you belong, and go sit behind homeplate. Bring all your friends too, because there will be open seats all around you.

4. Discounted Beer. I’ve gone to more games than I can count in my lifetime and have never been offered a discounted beer. The Aramark beer vendors were so bored the guy in our section offered us a $7.50 Bud Light for $5. #Winning

3. No Lines. Not for bathrooms, beer or food. And probably not to go on the field and shake the players’ hands either, but I’m just guessing there. At Game 5 you’d miss at least 5 flops per team just by trying to use the restroom.

“Wow, that is so much more than I ever asked to hear about plushies.”

2. Conversations with Orbit. Although “Mascot Rules” indicate a professional mascot cannot speak while in costume, the furry guy was so bored he hung out snapping photos and being silly. Although the downside was he hung out a little too long and started to creep everyone out, even the children.

1. Social Media Contests. Every stadium runs social media contests for fan involvement to promote their sponsors. Last night, the video board (the largest in MLB, mind you), ran a contest for Wich Wich asking fans to tag #Strowich on Twitter to win some ham and cheese concoction. Seven minutes after the contest ran on the board, just ONE fan used the hashtag. ONE. Even better, she just used the hashtag and said nothing else. Congrats on your new sandwich Astros fan and I’m sure Wich Wich is throughout impressed with their ROI on that promotion.

For you number folks: I realize the baseball outing was just one of 81 regular season games at home and the other was an NBA Finals game, but there were 18,581 in attendance at the Spurs/Heat game (of a total capacity of 18,591) and only 13,870 (if you buy those numbers) in attendance at the Astros/White Sox game (of a total capacity of 40,950).

To see this original article on The Blonde Side’s CBS Man Cave Daily column, click here.

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A Disgruntled Heat Fan’s Observations From Game 5 in San Antonio

San Antonio, first of all, congrats on your successful blackout. Wait, nevermind.

Let me back up and start with this – I am in fact a disgruntled Miami Heat fan (not to be confused with a bandwagon disgruntled Heat fan), so any comments alluding to “she’s just pissed her team lost” will be rightfully ignored, dismissed and mocked because you my friend, are stating the obvious.

Here is my list of the 10 most annoying/random observations from my friend Drew and I last night at AT&T Center:

10. Hootie! I loved seeing Hootie sing the national anthem, but having Blowfish there would have been icing on the cake.

9. Inside Secrets. It was very San Antonio of you to have a mariachi band play a timeout at center court, but from a newbie to this arena, I was confused why this marked the loudest Spurs fans got all night. Were they talking shit about LeBron in Spanish and I just wasn’t aware? As always, I’m confused.

taco cabana

Nothing says KISS CAM like melted cheese San Antonio

 

8. Taco Cabana Kiss Cam. Call me a hopeless romantic, but don’t most stadiums/arenas have a more fitting sponsor for the in-game kiss cam? In Houston, they have a dentist promising beautiful smiles. But this go round in San Antonio, y’all have the Texan Taco Bell equivalent. Nothing spells romance like melted cheese. (Actually, that does sound awesome…).

lasik

Text LASIK for a bad officiating call in the NBA Finals 2013=

7. Text LASIK To 45384. Was it just me, or was it an eerie coincidence this particular advertisement only came up when there was an officiating call that didn’t go San Antonio’s way? Me thinks good ole David Stern would not endorse this particular sponsorship.

6. My homeboy, Alonzo Mourning. This guy is the whole reason I became a Heat fan back in 1995, and he was in attendance looking mighty dapper. But Zo got shitty seats, about six rows up from the court. I realize it’s an away game, but it’s ALONZO MOURNING. What happened to that Southern hospitality?

5. Rick Fox is not a VIP. Among other notable things, this cat was married to the beautiful Vanessa Williams, but the 3x NBA Champ had to go through the common folk entrance in front of a bunch of intoxicated and obnoxious fans (myself included) – just felt weird.

4. 80’s Cover band dressed like the Spurs Silver Dancers. The after party and free concert, Overtime, just outside the arena, featured a free concert from the entertaining 80s hair band Metal Shop. Metal Shop coincidentally was dressed very much like the Spurs dance team, keeping the crowd pumped up after the big win.

san antonio

The Coyote, sans pants

3. The Coyote. Does anyone else not think it’s super creepy the mascot wasn’t wearing pants? If I walked around the arena in just a Spurs jersey and no pants, I’d be arrested. Or the fact he had more costume changes (sometimes wearing game shorts or leather chaps) than Mariah Carey on an episode of MTV Cribs? Or the fact he was using a tiny piece of notebook paper with the words “GET LOUD” barely legible in black ink? With his feeble attempt at poster board signs, puffy paint and construction paper as props, I’m scared to ask if a small child is missing half his science project somewhere around the San Antonio area. The only sign that was big enough to see had upside down words! And perhaps it’s important to note that only in Texas can someone dressed in costume stand in front of 18k+ people and shoot a gun into the crowd.

2. The Blackout that wasn’t. This was the worst blackout ever for multiple reasons. Even when the team gave 18k+ fans a FREE Spurs t-shirt on their seats before the game, only 1/3 actually wore the shirts (or anything black). Oh and by the way, did anyone realize it was Miami who wore black uniforms during your beloved blackout while the Spurs wore white? Was there some miscommunication there?

1. Chris Bosh. 

In all honestly, San Antonio dominated my home team last night and deserved to take the series 3-2. The fans were friendly and despite the loss and dismal play by Miami, it was a great atmosphere for any sports fan. As I mentioned to my friend Drew after the game, I proclaimed Miami is a much better team than San Antonio, to which he casually and intelligently replied, “that’s why it’s a 7-game series – whoever wins is the better team.”

To read this original article and The Blonde Side’s column on COED Magazine, click here.

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How to Kick Game at a Game

Photo courtesy of Huffington Post

Photo courtesy of Huffington Post

You always said your perfect girl will love sports as much as you do, so don’t be shocked when you see said girl a few rows up at the Yankees game or excitedly cheering on Big Ben while spilling beer and shouting a few unladylike words.

It’s the perfect breeding ground for a sport-filled romance, but there are a few things you can say to get yourself benched before the game even starts. And just because she looks like the perfect catch doesn’t mean you have to be that guy using that tired cliché.

Pick up lines to try:

– Get the beer man to send her an $8 beer and give her time to enjoy it before you approach. Anyone older than 21 knows $8 beers aren’t fun to buy, and a decent guy probably wouldn’t waste his money.
– “You must be good luck, we’re playing well tonight.”
– “We’re celebrating the win after the game with a drink, you should join us.” (Equally okay: “We’re commiserating tonight’s terrible loss at the bar across the street. you should join us.”)
– Making playful bets can be a good idea, i.e. “I bet you a dollar if he strikes out,” or if he “hits into a double play.” It keeps the game interesting and will help your chances of upping the ante to move to a bar after the game.
– If you missed the last play, ask her what happened. Simple as that. If she missed it too, then make a joke of it.
– Ask her who her favorite player is and why. Take an honest interest in her response… and don’t argue with her about it.
– If you’re at a college football game, just make out with the girl in question after a touchdown or opposing interception. It’s college, so odds are she’s down for making out. As long as that’s not her boyfriend standing next to her. (Note, this never fails at Texas A&M, so I’ve heard…)

Pick up lines that’ll get you punched in the dome:

– “My wife hates sports – I wish she were as cool as you.”
– “Can you kick as high as the cheerleaders?”
– “I’d love to see you eat a hot dog.” (Even worse: denoting a footlong)
– “Do you even know any of the player’s names?”
– “That jersey is becoming on you. Because I know if I was on you, I’d be cumming too.”
– “I bet I can get to 2nd base with you faster than Carlos Lee.”
– “Because we’re at a hockey game, do you know any words that rhyme with PUCK?”
– At a soccer game, do not tell her you used to be a soccer player and “soccer players do it for 90 minutes.” That’s not only creepy but entirely too long.
– “I bet I could easily slide right into your home base.”
– Pointing to a player on the field and telling her he’s your Eskimo Brother.
– “We just scored, now it’s my turn!”
– “We just scored a touchdown, now let me touch down those pants.” (Or any cheeseball reference that likens your potential with the sport – i.e. “scoring” or “you’re my goal” or “taking you home would be a touchdown” or most certainly anything about “balls.” Ball references are most definitely off limits. Also, “you’re the perfect catch” should probably not be said, ever.)
– Do not challenge her love or desire for the game or her team. Playing what you think is a “fun” game of trivia is usually not fun and will result in one of the following: being ignored or getting a beer thrown in your face.

When the buzzer sounds, the only thing that really matters is whether you were a good sport about your approach. You may strike out here and there, but at least you’ll go down swinging. And maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll hit a homer. Okay, enough with the puns.

To view this original article on The Blonde Side’s COED Magazine column, click here.

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