Perfection. (via @hipfitnesstx on Instagram)

“Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary?”

After an experience last week, this is a simple guideline Sally recommended to check myself (before I literally wreck myself).

Last week I was on a press trip with eight other travel bloggers/writers. It’s always a unique gathering of quirky individuals (definitely included myself in that descriptor) from all parts of the world with different views on pretty much everything.

During our trip, one of the girls casually said, “you sure do moan a lot.” My response at the time was that I was just saying what everyone else was thinking.

I’ve had a few days to think about it, and she was right. Up until now I justified my “moaning” and complaining two ways: people have always said they love how unfiltered I live my life and how open I am about things and many times I’m just making an observation, not necessarily complaining.

But if a complete stranger (a sweet one at that) can say this after knowing me for a few days, there’s got to be some truth behind it. And if I’m being totally honest, I’ve often questioned this before.

I dated this guy for a while. He was an awful boyfriend and is an awful human (those of you who know me, can you guess who?), but at one point during our relationship he made an extremely valid point that has stuck with me.

One of the toughest parts about my job as a writer is that I communicate for a living. Think about that for a moment. I get paid to talk (or write), and I pride myself on not keeping things bottled up inside. At one point he told me that I don’t need to tell him everything.

When you’re in a relationship, things are always going to bother you. He’s going to drive under the speed limit (a huge pet-peeve of mine), he’ll chew his gum too loudly, he’ll forget to text back – whatever it may be. But if you constantly nag and tell him (or even just a friend or co-worker) all the things they are doing wrong, it gets old. Real quick.

If a healthy and loving relationship is at the top of things I want in life right now, I need to remember to look at the positive side, and that goes for everything in life.

Sally also told me about the 10/10/10 rule:

Ask yourself – will this matter in 10 minutes, 10 weeks or 10 years? She says there are levels of discernment and I don’t have to totally censor myself. I should remain true to myself, but I should ask does this really matter, before I jump into saying my thoughts out-loud?

So that’s my main homework this week: to basically think before I speak and ask myself – is it kind, is it true, is it necessary. Necessary is the one I need to pay the most attention to. What about you?

She also re-reminded me that I need to start meditating and suggested this article from Mindful to explain the process a bit better.

My other piece of homework is to work on my vision. Think Big she says. Sally says to visualize what you want, to make it known to those around you. The more you think about it and visualize it, the more you believe it and the best part? She says everything I’ve told her I wanted, I deserve it. That’s what I need to remember.

Meet my life coach Sally (from Whole Life Strategies) here. She does all of her life coaching sessions online, and over the past month, she has been a huge help in keeping things in perspective and helping me move forward instead of remaining stuck like I have been.

Being thankful is a powerful thing

What if it was OK to just be thankful for what you’re thankful for?

That’s how my third session with my life coach (Sally) started. Sally started by asking me a tough question – what do you like about yourself and what do you value? 

That should not have been a tough question, right? But sadly, it was. I’m not sure if that’s tough for other people to answer like it was for me, but I think I had so many small things I liked about myself and not one giant thing, that they all seemed minuscule and kind of embarrassing and not worth mentioning.

Since I literally work with words for a living, the semantics of the word value always throws me off. But something I have always prided myself on is being thankful and saying it as much as possible.

For instance, in my line of work, someone stepping out and offering to help by proofreading my work, or introducing others in the industry to me, or brainstorming ideas is pretty rare. A few people off the top of my head that have done that and stood out are Will Carroll, Arash Markazi, Megan Brown and Baxter Holmes (he’s the most recent). These are all badasses that have made a name for themselves in the sports and/or media world and get nothing out of helping me out, but they do.

Just the simple forward of an email or media contact or an encouraging word via Twitter is really all it takes, so I try my best to say thank you to them because it’s important to me. I want them to know that they’ve gone above and beyond what others have done. Even a newbie in the industry like Mattie-Lou Chandler has thrown some advice my way. Saying thank you has always been important to me and writing handwritten thank you cards (branded ones of course!) is something I value and pride myself on.

It’s weird, but I do the same thing with guys I date. If a guy does something even remotely nice (which in most people’s world is something simple like kissing your forehead or opening a door), I make a point to say “that was sweet.” It might sound cheesy, but I’m not used to guys doing nice things for me, so I want to make a point to show how much I do appreciate it.

Anyways, back to the actual life coaching part – when I told Sally that was something I liked about myself, I quickly dismissed it, as if it was stupid. How is saying “thank you” something you value or like about yourself? Of course she told me that I judge myself too harshly and that gratitude and thankfulness is something that helps our psyche and well-being and I shouldn’t dismiss it. Until this conversation I hadn’t realized that gratitude is a value.

The definition of gratitude is: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

The top two definitions of value are: 

1. the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
2. a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.

At the end of our session, Sally challenged me by asking where am I satisfied in my life and dissatisfied. Again, those are things I don’t know the answers to, but I’ve got to mull them over and figure it out. I know I wish I was a wealthy freelancer (do those even exist) and that my memoir was published and that I was in a healthy and loving relationship with a hot man…does that count for anything?

What do you value or like about yourself? I’d love to hear them, especially if they are even small things that you might dismiss.

One of the recurring points I’ve had in my conversations with Sally is that there are things I know I want in my life and attributes I want others to associate with me, but how do you get there? What things do you add to your life or what do you take away to be the ultimate best version of yourself? That’s what I’m here to figure out. Check out Sally’s life coaching website here and stay tuned for the rest of our sessions over the next two months. Clearly I have a lot more to work on, but don’t we all?

Chester and LaToya Pitts. Photo by Michelle Watson / CatchLightGroup.com

What: Strike Out for the Arts.

Where: Bowlmor Lanes.

The 411: The all-too common Houston rain and flooding didn’t keep most guests from gathering for the fourth annual charity bowling event benefiting The Chester Pitts Charitable Foundation Tuesday night. Even in the offseason, several current and former Houston Texans players and their families showed support for former Texan Pitts’ charity— some even taking competition and bowling attire (we see you, Fabulous 5) to new levels.

The theme of the event — Be A Hero — encouraged fans, sponsors and supporters to dress in superhero attire complete with props, high-end Marvel sweatshirts and team-coordinated matching T-shirts. Hannah McNair (alongside husband Cal McNair) faced off on opposite sides of the lane from sister Joanna Marks (and husband Brad Marks) along with other friends and family.