The Field Of Acting

Isaac Keys, Former NFL Linebacker for the Cardinals

Isaac Keys: a name you may or may not know. Whether it’s from football, acting, or being an all around inspirational guy, his name comes up in many a conversation, not to mention Google searches.

Odds are, he’s been on your TV at least once. The Saint Louis, MO native has had a few stints on the big screen, either as a former NFL linebacker for the Arizona Cardinals, a contestant on Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth’s dating reality show The Ultimate Merger (she was the protégé from Donald Trump’s Apprentice and this dating show is a scaled down version of The Bachelor), or as McDonald’s Man of McCafe looking mighty fine. Professional football player-turned-actor, Keys is finally finding his stride, this time in a new arena.

Since The Blonde Side is a sport’s column, my obvious interest in interviewing Keys was about sports. When most people think of professional athletes, they think of guys like LeBron or A-Rod– someone the media and every single notable in the sporting world has been watching since the age of four just foaming at the mouth ready to cut him a check with entirely too many zeroes. But for a lot of the other guys, it’s their hardwork and unprecedented dedication that propels them to that next level.

Take Keys for instance. He was able to walk on to the University of North Alabama’s football team and then later Morehouse College. During his bit at Morehouse, he was a Pre-season All American, 2-time Defensive Lineman of the year and was selected for the 1st team All Conference. Pretty impressive, right? But not enough to make him one of those bigtime SportsCenter names rotating through each hourly broadcast and still not enough to get drafted, but just enough to get signed as an undrafted free agent by the Vikings in 2001.

After being riddled with injury after injury, Keys finally settled into his role with the Arizona Cardinals in 2004, lasting three seasons. No longer in the game (at least not the one on the field), Keys gave me a little insight into his role back then as a free agent where he frequently refers to himself as a “blue-collar athlete.”

“We weren’t all millionaires,” he explained. At the time of his signing back in 2001, the league minimum was $209k, but Keys notes he didn’t make that much. Instead he made a split salary, which dropped to $120k – which is still good money, but not the kind of money we lay people think of when we think of an NFL player + Bank of America. “The public was used to seeing #1 draft picks, millionaires, endorsement deals and guaranteed salaries – no one sees ‘my kind’. It was hard. I was in the life, but not living the life,” Keys explains. “I was putting forth sacrifice on my body and my career, without any guarantee. The average player lasts about 3 years, but it takes it takes 4 years to get your pension. If you get released, you never know how long it’ll take to get picked up again and there’s always a fear of being cut. My parent’s didn’t understand my life until they first watched HBO’s Hard Knocks – it sounds funny but it finally gave the public an impression of the mental, physical and emotional side of athletes,” he says. Keys was spot on: for a good majority of the time and within most front offices, they are more invested in a 1st or 3rd round pick than they’d be with say your typical run-of-the-mill free agent.

His last year with the Cardinals was a bit of a roller coaster. The team released him, brought him back, then moved him to the practice squad and after a couple more dosey doe moves all the while having kept him under the radar where other teams wouldn’t notice him, his value dropped. Well past $120k and well out of the league. “The phone just stopped ringing,” Keys recalls.

Having been out of the NFL for almost 5 years, Keys explains, “I didn’t stop playing football, football stopped playing me.” But fear not, this is not some sad desolate “poor guy” kind of story. Football “quitting him” opened up new doors as he set out on a soul-searching endeavor in an attempt to find what else he was passionate about. As he started getting comfortable in front of the cameras, Keys realized this was another natural talent of his and ran with it, no pun intended.

Photo Courtesy of Michael Letterlough

Currently his next big goal? Aiming for a feature film or sitcom. As you can see on his website, he’s definitely putting some valuable face time in front of the camera as of late. Turns out, acting and football are a lot more alike than you think.

[The Blonde Side] Compare NFL to acting.

[Keys] Call me crazy, but they are kind of the same, without the physical aspect. Acting is just as unstable as football. Just like football, acting requires you to put yourself out there – for others to critique and judge you. Both professions require me to watch film and both are an extreme balance of learning to handle your emotions.

[The Blonde Side] Which has more competition?

[Keys] They are equally competitive. Somewhere down the line, someone eventually gets their break (like Brady when Bledsoe got hurt back in 2001). LA is an expensive city to live in, people have to throw in the towel at some point and head back home. A lot of people want to do both, that’s why they are both tough industries. Cuba Gooding Jr. got his break after being an extra (in a barber chair) in Coming to America – you’ve got to learn from guys like him and be persistent.

[The Blonde Side] What feels more natural – acting or football?

[Keys] Now, acting. Then of course, football. I felt like I was born to act and it allows me to show more of who I am.

[The Blonde Side] Favorite actor?

[Keys] Will Smith – I like his range and his personality, charm and charisma.

[The Blonde Side] Favorite NFL player?

[Keys] Lawrence Taylor and Mike Singletary – I’ve played both of these positions and both of these guys are playmakers. Taylor was just a beast on the field and Singletary played with such tenacity.

[The Blonde Side] What are you most proud of you in your career(s)?

[Keys] Not just one thing. It’s the obstacles I’ve overcome. I’m doing things most people dream of – millions of people dream of playing in the NFL and I can say I’ve done that. Millions want to be on TV – I’m doing that. I’m very blessed.

Wise words to leave you with from Mr. Keys: Live life. Don’t let life live you.

Follow @isaackeys on Twitter and check out his website at IsaacKeys.com.

This was also part of The Blonde Side’s 30 Before 30 series.

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Houston Astro Chris Johnson comes clean on his disappointing 2011 season

Photo Courtesy of bridgetds/Wiki

If you’ve ever wondered what a professional baseball player does in his offseason, it’s probably a whole lot more than you think. Especially for someone like Chris Johnson, who struggled a bit last season (hitting .251 after a .308 average in 2010), going in and out of the lineup and even back to the minor leagues at one point.

Before he headed to Kissimmee, Fla. for spring training, I had the chance to sit down and chat with Johnson, the Houston Astros third baseman. Having just finished his five-hour morning strength and conditioning routine at Minute Maid Park with a few other guys (Bud Norris, Brett Wallace, Brian Bogasevic and Wandy Rodriquez to name a few), Johnson had just enough time to grab a shower and meet me for lunch.

In most clubhouses, Johnson would still be barely lurking past his rookie season, but here in Houston things are a bit different. Entering his third full season in the big leagues (with all of 212 career games played), he’s already forced to take more of a veteran role. Probably long before he’s ready.

For most teams, a guy in his third season is nowhere near considered a vet, but here in Houston, with a team this young, Johnson understands he needs to think more in terms of leadership.

“I need to play that veteran role and be one of the guys thinking about the team, not just myself,” he says. “I’m hoping that’ll be my role this year. Last year was hard for me because I felt I had to prove I deserved to be here.

“We don’t have guys like (Lance) Berkman to look up to anymore.”

Johnson recalls his own move up from Triple A Round Rock late in the 2009 season and his prominent and strategic locker placement next to All-Stars like Berkman and Roy Oswalt.

Despite spending part of his childhood around the big leagues (Johnson’s dad Ron has been a coach for more than 20 years, most notably with the Boston Red Sox), Johnson still soaked up all the advice he could manage from guys like Oswalt, Berkman and even Geoff Blum, his favorite guy on Twitter.

Enough With The Small Talk.

After a few minutes of polite small talk about Johnson’s offseason workout regimen (where he’s focusing on speed and power) and in between bites of me shoving chicken fingers in my mouth, I blurted out rather unlady like, “People are taking bets how badly the Astros are going to suck this year. Did you know that?”

There’s no way anyone, especially one of the guys sporting the Astros uniform, can shake this question. Understandably, they hear it everyday since the rotten performance the team turned in last year ranks as the worst record in Astros history (56-106).

Laughing and shaking his head, Johnson gave a very athletically PC answer: “We have to keep it reasonable. We need to take it one game at a time. One season at a time. We have to do better than last season . . .”

He trails off trying to maintain the optimism the Astros PR team has undoubtedly instilled in each of the guys. Picking back up, he admits, “We’re a young team. There’s no denying that. As a team we need to stay away from super lofty goals and keep improving. We’re headed in a really good direction — there’s really only one way to go.

“I’m excited to get to Kissimmee and see what we can do at spring training.”

The Big Game Of Numbers.

If you read anything about Chris Johnson on the Internet or ask any sports reporter, you’re bound to hear about his near All-Star (.308, 11 HR and 52 RBI in just 341 at-bats, getting named Astros Rookie of the Year) stats from 2010 which quickly plummeted to a dismal downward spiral his sophomore season.

“Last year was tough. I came into the season thinking I was the shit. I had to get out of my own way,” Johnson admits. “Pitchers and teams started looking at me and they had a game plan of how to handle me at the plate. As a rookie, you aren’t on their radar as much.

“I hit .160 my first month and it was definitely an adjustment both mentally and physically.”

Along with those declining numbers came talk about Johnson’s patience at the plate, or lack thereof. One article with some glaring stats courtesy of Bryan Curley pointed out that Johnson “struck out more than a quarter of the time (26.7 percent to be exact), walked only 15 times (4.1 percent) and swung at an astronomical 43.1 percent of pitches thrown outside the strike zone.”

What do you have to say for yourself Chris?

“Being patient at the plate is something I have to and am working on,” he says. “I have to learn that if I don’t get my pitch to just lay off and take a walk. The aggressiveness to want that hit . . . to be a playmaker . . . . that hurts me. That’s probably the biggest thing I’m working on right now.

“Laying off pitches is the mental side of hitting — you have to have discipline. Guys like Albert Pujols and Berkman have pretty much perfected it.”

Like a well thought out chess match, Johnson had the first move, then it was the opposing pitchers turn, and now in his third season, will it be Johnson’s turn for a rebuttal? Let’s hope so.

Comparing No. 9 to No. 23.

It’s as much a part of the game as sliding into second is: Comparing players. Whether it’s their batting stances, throwing mechanics, stats, defensive abilities or simply their place in the community, comparisons are made on the regular. It seems logical that when talking about Chris Johnson and his breakout rookie season, that he’s compared to none other than Hunter Pence.

On Sept. 24, 2010, Johnson became the 11th Astros rookie to reach 50 RBI in a season and the first since Pence (back in 2007). The last Astros rookie before Johnson with as many four-hit games in a single rookie season was Pence (who had four in 2007). Both Pence and Johnson posted a 14-game hitting streak in 2010. Both guys seemingly came out of the woodwork, found their spot on the Astros roster and put up alarming good numbers. Numbers so good even SportsCenter caught wind of it.

“He’s a great player,” Johnson says of the now Philadelphia Phillie Pence. “I have no problem being compared to him — he’s a hardworker, you can’t argue that. I don’t look into comparisons too much. I just try to be me and get better everyday. The people of Houston loved Hunter. This is the only team I’ve played for, so being liked by the fans is important to me.”

As sickening as the Pence pillow talk was, thankfully we managed to get on the topic of basketball, undoubtedly rubbing in a Duke loss to my Florida State Seminoles. Johnson professed his love (read obsession) for basketball, but admits he’s terrible at it. He’s a big Blue Devils fan and when it comes to NBA, he’s only got love for Kobe Bryant and the Lakers.

Of course we differ again as I’m a huge Miami Heat fan, which yes, includes LeBron James. Our talk of LeBron and the rest of the NBA world hating on him led Johnson to a little confession.

“I love being booed by opposing fans,” he says. “I love playing where we’re hated. It may sound weird, but playing in Chicago or St. Louis really pumps me up. The louder the fans boo, the harder I play.”

There’s A New Sheriff in Town.

Since Johnson answered those other hot-button questions so well I decided to throw more at him, this time in the form of Jim Crane. I firmly believe it was nothing more than a PR stunt when Crane attempted to get Astros fans rioting about the thought of a name change, and for good reason. That was the first time we’ve seen Astros fans up off their seats in what seems like ages — something Drayton McLane never seemed to do.

While many Houstonians are still undecided about Crane as an owner, Johnson is so far, a big fan.

“I know some folks don’t like some of the things he’s (Crane) doing, but I think he’s genuinely trying to turn things around,” Johnson says. “No matter what anyone says, he’s the boss and I listen.”

Back in November, Crane’s ownership group finally officially purchased the Astros for a whopping $680 million from grocery store maven Drayton McLane, who had owned the team for the last 19 years.

While fans are seeing lots of changes (or at least getting worked up over the possibilities), the guys on the team are still unsure.

“It’s a little too early to tell how things will be different with Crane’s interactions with us in the clubhouse and on the field,” Johnson says. “He’s a very outspoken guy — you’ll never have to worry about what he’s thinking because he’ll say it. I appreciate that kind of direct approach.”

Tweet Tweet.

Johnson is not only ready to excel at spring training and win the starting third base job for Opening Day. He’s ready to take on the Twitterverse as well. I believe he currently has thousands more followers than any other member of the Astros team (though he does have about 90,000 fewer followers than Pence).

Follow him for baseball (and of course basketball) related tweets at @cjastros23.

This article was featured on Culture Map, Houston’s Daily Digital Magazine in the sport’s section.

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Field of Dreamy Players

I don’t remember the exact age, but somewhere very early in life, I fell in love with baseball. Most definitely the sport itself, but also with the men who play said sport. It’s virtually the same as being an avid Jonas Brother’s trailblazing fan and holding out a little piece of your heart for Joe Jonas, yes?

Playing softball my whole life, being surrounded by baseball players’ day in and day out seemed an incestuous part of the game. When our softball team took a trip, which was sometimes overnight and/or out of state, it was usually in tandem with the baseball team. Softball games average 50 minutes less than baseball games, which meant after a full game of slap bunting and fielding grounders, we found ourselves and our freshly dirt-stained uniforms sitting on the bleachers with a pack of gummy bears cheering our boys on. So it’s shouldn’t come as a surprise that my “high school sweetheart” played third base and was a rock star, and it’s not surprising that soon after graduation he was drafted by Major League Baseball, although it wasn’t until long after we broke up that he made a name for himself on ESPN and various other sport’s frenzied media outlets.

A few years ago, shortly after moving to Houston, I had a torrid, yet closeted fling with a “co-worker” who just so happened to play right field for the professional baseball team in which I was employed which coincidentally would later cost me my job. Apparently it’s one of those seemingly unfair unwritten rules that front office staff cannot, under any circumstance date a player.

If you do the math, that’s two guys in my past that both play Major League Baseball. And I guess if you live by the old adage, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck… it should come as no surprise that in a few small circles I was branded the not-so-flattering and ever-debilitating scarlet letter, “jersey chaser.”

For years, I tried all I could to dispel that myth. Since my parents read this column, I’m not going to say exactly how many guys I’ve been “with”, but I can assure you, two is a long shot from being the majority. And for purposes of stating the obvious, in case you missed it above, the high school boy was just that during our relationship – a high school boy. No Vitamin Water or Nike endorsements, no contracts, no agent; just a high school boy that could swing a bat and play mighty fine defense at the hot corner.

Now, as a freelance sportswriter, for my column, The Blonde Side, I’m very cautious of who I tell my Major League past to, if at all. But as of this posting, it’s clear the cats out of the bag, and I’m A-ok with that. And here’s why – there’s nothing wrong with thinking a baseball player, or any athlete for that matter, is sexy. Even as someone who works in the front office of a professional team, or a blonde sportswriter like myself, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m surrounded by these guys on a regular basis, I follow their stats (which are sometimes sexy in and of itself), and a guy that can wear a baseball uniform correctly (with means having his pants iconically pushed up to his knees) is by definition, in my book, sexy.

That was a seemingly long interlude to say this; as a single girl on this soon-to-be-Hallmark-infested dampening holiday which is upon us in mere hours, I present to you the sexiest guys in baseball with a little commentary on each. I’d love to hear your feedback if you agree or you’re highly concerned that my perfect 20/20 vision has recently been compromised based on these picks.

Ian Kinsler, Second Baseman, Texas Rangers

Ian Kinsler, Second Baseman, Texas Rangers

Guys with out of control hair (or “lettuce” as I’ve recently learned) have never really turned me on. But put said lettuce on top of Ian Kinsler and I’m willing to turn all sorts of vegetarian for the dude. Not only does he rock the uniform of my favorite team, but he definitely possesses a leadership role within the club. Kinsler batted .308 last postseason and has a career batting average of .275 – not the best, but certainly in fairly good company. Not your typical 17th-rounder, Kinsler’s the kind of guy you constantly hear about from sports commentators because he’s known as a five-tool player, simply meaning he hits for power and average, and excels at baserunning, throwing and fielding. Last season he broke his own club record with 28 consecutive steals. The kind of utilitarian player every franchise needs. As a longtime sufferer of asthma, I think it’s kind of cute. Hey Ian, I’m happy to tote around your inhaler in my Louis Vuitton if need be. Call me? And 2012 is the year of the claw and antlers, yes?

Joe Mauer, Catcher, Minnesota Twins

Joe Mauer, Catcher, Minnesota Twins

This time last year, Joe Mauer was rehabbing his knee after arthroscopic surgery battling a difficult recovery, which affected much of his season hitting career lows. Any guy who can look hot rehabbing an appendage is good in my book, especially a guy blessed with those baby blues. And while any guy who’s known for playing the field is usually bad in anyone’s book, not Mauer who can play catcher, left field and first (he also played Quarterback in high school and completed 62% of his passes his senior year). An all around good athlete. Mauer is also one of those guys who has played his entire major league career in the same uniform – no wonder the ladies in Minnesota are always boasting such big smiles. The only negative I see for this hottie is the fact he turned down a football scholarship to FLORIDA STATE (Go Noles!) to enter the Major League Baseball Draft. Alas, I guess it’s worked out well for him…

Chase Utley, Second Baseman, Philadelphia Phillies

Chase Utley, Second Baseman, Philadelphia Phillies

Playing his entire career in the same Phillies uniform, it’s easy to like this guy. Utley had a rough season last year with declining stats and a troublesome head injury after getting beaned in the head with a 90-mph fastball, but there’s something endearing about a guy getting injured playing the game he loves. Something in me that wants to bring him an ice-pack and sit on the couch watching SportsCenter together making fun of his overpaid, goofy-looking right fielder. Utley finished the 2011 regular season having scored 54 runs, hitting safely 103 times (including 21 doubles, 6 triples, and 11 home runs), and with a .259 batting average. If you ever wonder why you get such a warm and fuzzy feeling watching Utley stride up to the plate at Citizens Bank Park, it’s his badass intro song “Kashmir” by one of the all time greats, Led Zeppelin. And one more thing for you animal lovers, Utley and his wife Jennifer are advocates for animals everywhere having founded The Utley Foundation, an organization established to bring awareness to the increasing epidemic of animal cruelty. Animal lovers make my heart swoon, and Chase Utley is no expectation.

Nick Markakis, Outfielder, Baltimore Orioles

Nick Markakis, Outfielder, Baltimore Orioles

Much sexier when his hat is covering that flowbee of a hairdo he sometimes sports, it’s his strong arm in the outfield that really catches my eye. That strong arm is no mystery – originally a pitcher with a fastball clocked at 96, he’s known for throwing out guys trying to score that extra base hit. It’s not only his skill in the field that adds him to my list of sexy baseball players; it’s behind the plate as well. Last season, Markakis claimed his 1,000th career hit against the Cleveland Indians. On his own, Markakis decided to donate $75,000 of his paycheck each year to deserving charities along with starting his very own organization, Right Side Foundation with his wife Christina. A man with a heart and strong arms – really, is there any question here? Talk about the ultimate playmaker.

He also has a random entry in Urban Dictionary I felt worthy to share.

Ryan Braun, Outfielder, Milwaukee Brewers

Ryan Braun, Outfielder, Milwaukee Brewers

Anyone who refuses to admit Braun is a rather goofy looking individual is just plain lying. But there’s something about goofy that’s a bit sexy, yes? And being the reigning (although I guess we can’t currently say undisputed) National League MVP, it’s clear his play on the field is stellar compared to hundreds of other guys. Having the chance to watch him (or stare at him really) this past season at Miller Park was definitely one of the high points of my year. Last year alone he led the NL in slugging percentage and extra-base hits, was named a starter for the All-Star game and won the NL Outfielder Silver Slugger Award. Dudes been busy on the field and did I fail to mention he’s got sky-high book smarts? He attended University of Miami on an academic scholarship, which is rather rare for a record-breaking athlete. And I’m pretty sure every Brewers fan loves this guy for the simple fact it was his 450-foot bomb over the fence that clinched the Brewers’ NL-Central victory last season.

The only thing not so hot about this guy? The fact he developed his own signature t-shirt for the douchey clothing line, Affliction. Eek! Oh, and the fact he might have herpes. Eek again. But for now, Braun remains on my list of sexy ball players.

Jake Arrieta, Pitcher, Baltimore Orioles

Jake Arrieta, Pitcher, Baltimore Orioles

It’s definitely not all about money (the guy is still making the league minimum) or perfect play each time he steps on the mound (although he was good enough to start the home opener for the Orioles last season), but there’s something about Arrieta that is plain striking. Perhaps it’s a guy who knows how to take charge, and anyone on the mound in Major League Baseball should know how to take charge and be a leader. I’ve always thought well-educated guys were extremely attractive, and Arrieta turned down his initial draft by the Milwaukee Brewers to instead head off to college at TCU. Over the last few years in his career, Arrieta has learned to develop and throw an arsenal of pitches and not rely solely on his fastball as he did early on in his career. Coming off of bone spur surgery, I expect a lot out of Arrieta this season. And without question, so do the Orioles. This is a guy I wish had more TV time. You hear that ESPN? Consider that my request, in writing.

Josh Willingham, Outfielder, Minnesota Twins

Josh Willingham, Outfielder, Minnesota Twins

Recently picked up the Minnesota Twins, Josh Willingham looks good in almost any uniform (and he’s worn quite a few already in his eight year career playing for the Florida Marlins for his longest stint, the Washington Nationals, the Oakland Athletics and now the Minnesota Twins). Willingham joined the Twins less than two months ago and signed a three-year deal valued at $21mil. Last season Willingham hit his career best 29 homeruns and 98 RBIs (although also hitting his career low batting average with .246) with Oakland. A solid characteristic I look for in any man – patience. Patience is most definitely a virtue in the majors and Willingham shows quite a bit of it at the plate with a career .361 OBP due to his ability to draw walks and even take a few hits from wild pitchers. This season should be interesting for Willingham as he’s taking on the challenge of playing right field for the Twins as opposed to his comfort zone in left. The season will prove to be equally as interesting for Twins fans as they have to deal with the loss of one of their favorites, Michael Cuddyer, whose spot was recently taken over by Willingham.

Adam Wainwright, Pitcher, St. Louis Cardinals

Adam Wainwright, Pitcher, St. Louis Cardinals

I like tall guys, so AW is already off to a blazing start at 6-foot-7, not to mention those ridiculously soul-piercing eyes. But like I said, it’s not all about how he looks in his uniform, it’s how he plays the game. And last year, he didn’t play the game. At all. In February 2011, Wainwright underwent Tommy John surgery, which has since been described as “successful”, but we all know what happened to Brandon Backe (Astros) after that exact same procedure. Oh wait, no we don’t. Last I heard he was tending bar in Galveston, TX, but I digress. Some are already professing Wainwright as the comeback player of the year but that prophecy comes with a lot of weight on his shoulders without that very large staple the Cardinals have become so used to in their lineup. You know the one, starts with Albert, ends with Pujols. Wainwright placed in the top 3 for the Cy Young award from 2007-2010, so the guy’s no stranger to pressure and delivering results in the form of W’s. Wainwright also openly expresses his Christian faith, which is something I highly admire in any human.

Before I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day, please know two things:

I never professed to have victorious taste when it comes to spotting sexy men, in particular baseball players. I typically am attracted to one type of guy: the ones that don’t like me. Wah, wah, wah.

While the above little diddy was fun to write and I stand by almost everything I said, I am in no way interested in hooking up with, dating, or starting any type of relationship with any ball players. Been there, done that. Literally.

Now, Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you, from The Blonde Side.

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A Day In The Life Of An NBA Mascot

Clutch is more than a furry cheerleader with hilarious non-verbal antics parading around the Toyota Center. Having shadowed the Houston Rockets mascots at a recent game, I’m not sure anyone is more excited to see the NBA back in action than Clutch himself.

With the Rockets riding a seven-game winning streak going into Wednesday night’s home game against the Milwaukee Bucks, there’s more reason to be excited than many people probably thought as well.

During those tumultuous NBA Lockout talks, people were concerned about the players. Then came growing concern for the dance teams, the athletic trainers, the customer service staff and the food vendors. Those part-time folks that relied on that extra income to pay bills became another concern.

With sweat dripping down his face, Boudwin (who can now talk because he’s not near any of the fans) huffs and puffs, “Man, I missed this.”

But did anyone stop to think about the mascots who are just as much a part of basketball as David Stern himself?

Clutch (or Robert Boudwin, the excited human inside) is a full-time front office employee with the Houston Rockets, as is his “Mascot Coordinator” Dominic Davila, who wears “Rocketman” on the back of his silver suit — the silver suit that accompanies Clutch almost anywhere inside and outside the Toyota Center.

A day in the life of an NBA mascot:

– Clutch and crew arrive to the Toyota Center at least two hours before the game. (For the sold-out crowd on opening night, they got there four hours early to rehearse the season’s new skits. The skit Clutch was most pumped about was set to the tune of Aerosmith’s “Back in the Saddle.”)

Remember, Clutch is a full-time Rockets employee, so on game days, he walks from his upstairs office down to his personal dressing room on floor level which makes for an extremely long day.

– About an hour before tipoff, Clutch hops on his Segway, zips around the concourse high-fiving vivacious fans and then heads outside to the Budweiser Lift-Off pregame concert for photo-ops and a dance party. After a few minutes of pictures, he hops on stage, grabs a microphone, does a jig or two and then his “handlers” forcefully encourage him to get back on his ride and head up to the Memorial Hermann Sky Court, because they too have a game clock to abide by.

– Clutch heads back into the Toyota Center with his crew guiding him the entire way. “Clutch, duck your head,” they yell as he gets into a private service elevator. “Clutch, turn left and look down,” they call out so he’ll notice the little kid below him trying desperately for a high-five.

Boudwin’s crew serves as his eyes and ears while he’s suited up — not to mention his voice. The most important rule as a mascot — NO TALKING WHILE IN THE SUIT.

Clutch relies on his nonverbals (ferociously waving, shaking his midsection, jumping up and down) to show fans his excitement and feelings. But when it’s needed (and I assure you, it is), Dominic, his coordinator for the past 11 years, speaks for him.

“Sorry kids, Clutch has to keep going,” or “Watch out guys, Clutch is coming through,” he yells to keep Clutch on his already tight schedule. Somehow Clutch still manages to find time to get in the face of an opposing team’s fan while Rockets fans laugh and capture it all on their iPhones.

– Pulling up to the sky court, there is already a line of fans of all ages, eagerly waiting. For the next 15 minutes, Clutch’s big furry hand autographs mini-sized posters and stops long enough for fans to take a photo. (Note: his handlers have to hand the poster to the fans, because Clutch’s hands are too big and clumsy to grab that flimsy piece of glossy paper.)

– Clutch makes his graceful exit (literally oblivious to all the fans trying to pull him from all directions for their own family photo) and heads down to his personal dressing room, which sits directly across from the Rockets team locker room. Finally, he gets to take his head off.

With sweat dripping down his face, Boudwin (who can now talk because he’s not near any of the fans) huffs and puffs, “Man, I missed this.” While in his room, he chugs two bottles of water, and changes the sopping wet Dri-Fit shirt he wears under his costume (he sweats through at least seven each game).

Because of how hot it gets in the suit, Clutch is supposed to take a break (with water and sans bear head) every 15 minutes. Sometimes he gets so into the crowd, he forgets how long he’s been out there and his team has to literally drag him behind the black curtains on the side of the court.

– Behind the curtain, Clutch is once again gasping for air. His arms are tired from holding up the bulky and awkwardly shaped 8’ x 4’ x 4’ box sign, which weighs exactly 40 pounds (the largest in sports) over his head multiple times while simultaneously leading the crowd in chants. Again, he changes his sweat-laden shirt right there in the confines of the hallway.

Meanwhile Mini-Clutch (also sweating and panting) hands a pink Starburst to his coordinator, who instinctively knew to unwrap it for him because his bear hands made it impossible. The pair heads back out to flirt with the Rockets Power Dancers.

– Back in his dressing room, Clutch and crew review their pre-printed schedule of events and appearances. As he gets ready for a seat visit to a fan in section 125, he’s checking his can of Silly String to make sure it’s got plenty of ammo. The whole crew heads over to the seats and for a solid 55 seconds, Clutch douses the diehard Rockets fan in pink and blue Silly String.

Meanwhile Mini-Clutch is on the concourse taking photos. A nearby woman asks Clutch to hold her baby for a photo (surprisingly the tiny baby doesn’t even cry) and Clutch nonchalantly walks away with the baby.

When Clutch finally returns the baby, fans are lined up waiting for their own photos to immediately upload to Facebook.

– During this whole charade, Clutch’s bulky arms accidentally spill a fan’s popcorn. Because of the major lack of peripheral visibility from the costume head, Clutch has no idea. Back in the dressing room one of the coordinators tells Clutch (who at this point has morphed back into Robert) that she looked displeased.

“Please take two hats, two T-shirts and a new box of popcorn to her and give her a big fat I’m sorry,” Boudwin says genuinely.

– A few minutes later, another timeout is called and Clutch is once again snapping his red Rockets uniform over his furry arms, putting his head on, and heading back out on the court. My all-time favorite Clutch move is when he strips off his jersey directly in the line of view of San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker who is trying to sink two free throws.

Clutch is left wearing nothing but his ginormous shoes (size 22 BB for double bear) and then once again scurries behind the curtain (while Dominic literally picks up the pieces).

Just from the play-by-play listed above, you can see Clutch is a busy man. Um, bear.

If you’ve ever wondered why he doesn’t stay in one place too long, it’s because fans will bombard him and he’ll never make it to another section or back on the court for his scheduled skits. Plus, fans will miss out on the improv nonsense.

Mascots have rules too. Here are just a few:

– Signs behind the basket during opposing team free throws cannot be larger than 17” x 11”.

– Mascots may not walk directly adjacent to the court (courtside) during play

– Mascots may not target or ridicule a specific player from an opposing team

– The use of pyrotechnic is prohibited once the game has begun and can only be used pregame with prior written league permission

After following Clutch around for an entire game, I’m not sure who gets more of a run in — the Rockets starting five or the bear and his crew.

Introducing the Clutch Crew:

Robert Boudwin — Clutch, in his 17th season.

Dominic Davila — Full time assistant/sidekick/manager/agent/bodyguard/secretary/translator/right arm (as quoted by Clutch)

Michael Gonzales — Clutch Crew on game nights

Michael Trussel — Clutch Crew on game nights

Brandon (Tuff) Schoenberg — Mini-Clutch

This article was featured on Culture Map, Houston’s Daily Digital Magazine in the sport’s section.

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Texans Cheerleaders Have Playoffs Too

Photo courtesy of Mike Oropeza/Picasa

For the first time in franchise history, the Houston Texans are in the playoffs, set to play the Cincinnati Bengals Saturday afternoon at Reliant Stadium. Duh. You’ve disconnected yourself from every Internet-related device, television, radio andhuman being in H-Town if you’ve missed that fun little tidbit of info.

While much of the focus has been on rookie quarterback T.J. Yates‘ banged up shoulder, guard Mike Brisiel’s return to the starting lineup after surgery, defensive coordinator Wade Phillip’s energy levels after his surgery, the tenacity of the Texans defense (which ranks second in the NFL), and what these guys are doing to prepare for the big game, little (or actually no) attention has been paid to the 30-plus women who parade around in sexy Texans gear pumping up the crowds each and every home game.

And since there’s no crowd, or game for that matter, more important in Texans history than this playoff game, I thought I’d swing by practice and see what these ladies are working on. Since Monday, the girls have been diligently learning all new routines.

While the cheerleaders typically do four routines a game and practice three times a week, they too are feeling the playoff pressure practicing every single day this week and learning five brand new routines, including a halftime dance choreographed to the tune of a live performance by Clay Walker.

I spoke with Amanda, the most seasoned girl on the team (in her fifth season) and asked what the contingency plan was if Clay changed the beat or got a little twangy in his lyrics. Is it business as usual?

“If he decides to throw in a ‘HEY HOUSTON’, we have to stay on our counts,” she says. “Our game plan is our game plan no matter what.”

As the girl with the most tenure on the team, Amanda knows all too well how rough past seasons have been.

“It’s a really nice change of pace going out into the community and hearing fans positive feedback with a winning record,” she says. “Everyone has been so supportive this season which makes our job a lot easier.”

Nicole (or Rihanna as some call her), a second-year veteran, explained the cheerleaders’ grueling long hours.

“We’ve been practicing each night from about 6:30-midnight learning all the new dances, but it’s worth it. I’m super excited — not only because it’s a playoff game, but we are making history as the first Texans cheerleading squad to make the playoffs,” she says.

And it isn’t just the cheerleaders that are making history — 39 of the Texan players will be making their first ever playoff appearance. More stuff to cheer for.

Reporters asked Gary Kubiak if he was putting in 10 to 12 hours each day leading up to the game. “At least that,” Kubiak responded. These girls are putting in almost the same kind of hours.

Moe (short for Morgan), another second-year vet, detailed how hectic this week has been. As a physician’s liaison, she works her usual 8 to 5 job and then heads directly to the bubble for at least six hours of practice.

“It makes for a very long day, but with a four-minute pre-game dance and a five-minute halftime show ahead of us, we’ve got our work cut out,” she says.

Moe is not only a proud member of the squad, she’s also the lone Texans cheerleader headed to the Pro Bowl in Hawaii at the end of January to represent as one of 27 cheerleaders voted by their peers to attend.

I asked head cheerleader coach, Alto Gary, who has been coach since day one (“Day one, 2011” as she likes to say), why they were busting their humps to learn all new routines in such a short timespan.

“It’s the playoffs, a new beginning. This is our first time making the playoffs, and I wanted to make it special for the team and the fans,” Gary says. “Since we were going from back-to-back games with a quick turnaround, I did give the girls a head start and sent two of the dances to them online.”

I guess there are more uses for technology than I once thought.

Aside from getting to be part of history, I wondered if the girls got any additional incentives for playoff games like the players did.

“Well, it may not seem like much, but they did get the chance to purchase playoff tickets in advance, which for many teams is rare,” Gary says. “And, they get cool playoff shirts they didn’t have to stand in line for,” she laughs as she showcases the shirts with “Texans Playoffs” written in bedazzled letters in both a red and navy varieties.

Without stating the blatantly obvious, Houston has a lot to celebrate. Since the last playoff game in Houston (which took place on January 16, 1994 when the Kansas City Chiefs beat the Houston Oilers in the Astrodome in front of 64,011 fans), a lot has happened in the world of football:

190 playoff games played

20 NFL stadiums built (including Reliant Stadium)

12 different Super Bowl winners

Four new teams joined the NFL (including the Texans)

Three teams moved to a new city

Back then, the number 1 song was “I Will Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” by Meatloaf, President Barack Obama was an associate at a Chicago law firm, gas prices averaged $1 a gallon, and defensive end J.J. Watt was only 4-years-old.

A lot has changed. Here’s hoping for many more playoff games to come, whether or not they are hosted right here in Houston.

I think we’d all be OK with an upcoming game in Indianapolis, yes?

This article was featured on Culture Map, Houston’s Daily Digital Magazine in the sport’s section.

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Playoffs, Diamonds and Dogpiles. And Smart Cars Too.

Kids, Playoffs, Diamonds and Dogpiles. Oh, And Smart Cars Too. 

The Duane Brown Almost-Tell-All Interview

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Texans Offensive Tackle Duane Brown a number of times over the course of the year. The first time we met, he confessed he was a pretty “boring and average guy” and that he may not make the best interview subject. After posting a simple question on Twitter and Facebook asking fans what they’d ask if they could ask anything from an NFL OT, I figured the best way to handle this interview was a smorgasbord of unrelated questions resulting in the most unflowing, yet highly informative and comprehensive interview of a pro athlete you’ve ever seen, so here goes…

In the middle of my first question, his phone rings and politely asks if he can take the call. A few minutes later I hear, “thanks coach, that’s awesome, thanks!” and hangs up.

JL: Good news I presume?

D. Brown: (smiling) Yeah. Kubiak just told me I made it as an alternate to the Pro Bowl.

JL: That’s awesome buddy, congrats. Does that mean you get to go to Hawaii?

D. Brown: I guess if someone gets injured, yeah. But I plan to be getting ready for the Super Bowl, so I’m not worried about it.

Diamonds

Around Thanksgiving, Duane got engaged to his beautiful long distance girlfriend, Devon. For a big guy, he sure can be sneaky. They met up in LA for a little R&R and Duane said he had to fly to Dallas a day early. He planned a nice dinner for her, said his goodbye and then headed to a friend’s house to keep the surprise intact. The next day he surprised her at dinner, where many of her friends and family were, and pulled out a stunning diamond ring. Like most women, Devon had hinted around at the perfect ring she wanted to lay claim on her left hand for the rest of her life. Duane took those ideas and showed a handful of rings to her best friends. “They helped me choose the perfect one,” he said. The couple means business too – they’ve already set a date for July 13, 2012. As for kids, “Yeah – we’re taking our time with it. She has a lot going on with her career and I respect that,” Brown says.

JL: Long distance sucks, huh?

D. Brown: Yeah, but we get to see each other pretty often. I just flew up to NY and saw her for Christmas and she comes to almost all my home games.

JL: What was the best gift you got this Christmas? Was it those black and red Jordans you’re wearing?

D. Brown: People are going crazy over those shoes, right? All those fights – that’s crazy man. My girl got me a digital picture frame – that was probably my favorite gift.

The Blind Side

The main (and pretty much only) job of an OT is to protect the quarterback. In just 15 games this season, Brown has already had to protect three different QBs – Schaub who throws right, Leinart who throws left, and now Yates who is also a righty. Just as the movie indicates, there is such thing as a Blind Side, which when a right-handed QB is in, is Brown’s position as he plays left tackle. When a righty drops back in the pocket, he can’t see what’s coming from his left – he’s not as quick to move away from a defensive tackle or defensive end because he can’t see them. A few people asked if the change in QB throwing arms creates a change in play for Duane. “I don’t have to change my technique at all, our offensive scheme changes a bit, but my first priority is always to protect to the QB regardless of his throwing arm,” he says.

Since I write a sport’s column titled, The Blonde Side, I figured I’d ask about the 2009 movie starring Michael Oher.

JL: Do people understand your position better since the movie, The Blind Side came out?

D. Brown: I run across a lot of people that have zero idea about football and say I play left tackle. They always ask what that is and I reference the movie. They seem to get it after that.

JL: What about Michael Oher?

D. Brown: He’s a great player, great guy as well. I got a chance to meet him his rookie year.

Dogpiles and Clothes

Probably one of the best questions someone asked on Facebook was what really goes on in a dogpile? When I asked Duane, he laughed. “A lot of profanity, pushing, shoving, punching, kicking, more punching – anything to get the ball. It’s pretty violent down there,” he confessed. “Really, anything goes, but the refs do a good job to regulate as soon as possible. You gotta always pay attention.”

JL: You do seem to be at the bottom of a number of pile-ups.

D. Brown: I always try to be around the ball carrier to protect him and the ball. My first priority is to get the ball if a defensive guy knocks it out, but secondly, I gotta protect my teammates.

JL: I would assume as the biggest guy on the team, you are the one most of the littler guys look to for protection?

D. Brown: I think I’m the biggest…yeah, as far as weight, for sure. Eric (Winston) is taller than me, but I still weigh more.

JL: Speaking of your size, you’re 6-4, 320lbs, right?

D. Brown: Well I’ve lost a few pounds. I’m about 314 right now.

JL: Is it hard to find clothes?

D. Brown: (laughing) Yeah, it’s very hard to go shopping. I get a few things at Destination XL off Westheimer, but most of my stuff I buy online (like elevee).

Hokie Pride

As I’ve told Duane a number of times, I am not a Hokie fan. I grew up in Virginia, but something about those VT Hokies just drives me crazy. In response to my tweet, another of Duane’s fans asked what it was like coming out to “Enter The Sandman” at Lane Stadium. “It’s the most amazing feeling in the world – I’ve never felt an energy like that. The atmosphere in that stadium, the fans, the music – it’s second to none,” he reminisces. “Everytime I hear that song, I get goosebumps,” he continued.

JL: Do you think Devon will let you rock that song at your wedding?

D. Brown: (laughing) Nah, she won’t have that.

JL: How do you feel about the upcoming Sugar Bowl?

D. Brown: I’m proud of them to still make it to a BCS Bowl Game. It’ll be a pretty good one against Michigan. I think it’ll be a high scoring game; hopefully we can pull it off.

O-Line Success

It’s no secret that every year the Texans offensive line seems to get better and better. Someone wanted to know how much time these guys spend together during the season and the offseason because their cohesion just seems to work. “We all try to improve individually, but as a group, we are the most tight knit unit on the team. For the most part we’ve all been together the past three years. We have a feeling for what the guy next door is going to do so we don’t have to communicate a lot,” Duane explains.

JL: Who’s the hardest Defensive End you’ve had to block?

D. Brown: Dwight Freeney. He’s a sure 1st ballot Hall of Famer. I have to face him twice a year. I haven’t given up any sacks against him this year – I think I’ve finally figured out a game plan against him, but he’s tough.

JL: There’s been a lot of talk about the absence of Mike Brisiel…

D. Brown: It’s tough without him; I’ll give you that. It’s unfortunate that he got hurt (fractured fibula), but Antoine Caldwell has done a good job stepping up. Luckily he’s taken a lot of reps during practice and we really haven’t missed a beat. But Mike should be back for the playoffs.

Speaking of the Playoffs…

“I’m excited, man. This is unchartered territory for our organization and for me personally,” he said.

JL: Are you nervous?

D. Brown: Not too nervous. I’ve heard it’s a different speed in the playoffs. I’m more excited than anything.

JL: Your ideal Super Bowl matchup?

D. Brown: Well Houston obviously. I’ll go with Houston vs. New Orleans. Even though the Packers are doing great, the Saints beat us earlier this year (33-40 in Week 3) and now I’d like to return the favor. They also bring a lot of great fans to the game and that just ups the intensity.

New Year’s Resolutions

It’s that time when everyone, even athletes, create a laundry list of things they want to do better in the New Year. Just a few days away from that ominous day on the calendar, I asked Duane what his resolutions were. “I used to be big on New Year’s Resolutions, but why wait until January 1st to change something. There’s no better time than the present,” he says.

JL: That seems to fit you. Anything you’re currently working on at doing better?

D. Brown: Trying to read more. I get bored easily and I’m trying to break out of the video game habit. I’m currently reading Art of War.

Running and Smart Cars

As I’m currently training for the Houston Half Marathon next month, I couldn’t help but wonder how far the big man himself could run.

JL: Could you run a mile without stopping?

D. Brown: I could do a mile, yeah. It wouldn’t be pretty, but I could do it.

JL: What about a 5k?

D. Brown: A what?

JL: A 5k. That’s 3.1 miles.

D. Brown: Nah, not a shot in hell.

JL: I know I keep harping on your size, but you are the largest man I’ve ever see. It’s so fascinating to me. Think you could fit in a smart car?

D. Brown: (laughing) Yeah, I actually have. Danny Clark (former Texans Linebacker) used to have one and I could fit in there. It’s not comfortable though. It was a convertible too so I think that might have made it easier.

JL: I’d give money to see you in a smart car. If I could find a dealership and a photographer to make this happen, you game?

D. Brown: Sure.

Hear that Houston Smart Car dealerships? Call me – let’s make this happen.

This article was featured on Culture Map, Houston’s Daily Digital Magazine in the sport’s section.

This was also part of The Blonde Side’s 30 Before 30 series.

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Shane Battier Misses Houston

On Feb. 24, 2011, Houston lost a piece of its soul. Not just in the local sports world, but in the community as well.

In a moment of reverse déjà vu, Shane Battier was traded back to the Memphis Grizzlies — the same team Houston acquired him in exchange for Stromile Swift and the draft rights to Rudy Gay back in 2006.

For the first time in five years, the Houston Rockets will hold a home opener without Battier Thursday night. Battier has moved again, leaving Memphis for Miami where he’ll chase a title as a sidekick to the championship favorite superstar trio of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. The Heat are already 3-0 as the 0-1 Rockets take the Toyota Center court for the first time this season to face San Antonio with Houston just hoping to make the playoffs for the first time in three years.

I’m not sure anyone could have imagined the impact the 6-foot-8 forward from Duke would have had on one of the biggest cities in the country, or conversely the impact that city would have had on him and his family.

Battier was a stronghold with the Rockets, starting all but seven games during his four and a half seasons. He played a key role in 2008 when the Rockets recorded the second-longest consecutive wins streak (22) in NBA history, spending the most time of any player on the court during that impressive streak (according to Michael Lewis’ often-referenced New York Times article, “The No-Stats All-Star”).

Battier logged 11,910 playing minutes and scored a total of 3,052 points during his tenure with the Rockets. His heart and soul on the court, his defensive hustle and never give up attitude are just a handful of reasons Rockets fans everywhere fell in love with the guy.

And that’s just on the court.

More Than a Baller

Photo Courtesy of NYTimes.com

Sporting News didn’t name Battier the seventh smartest athlete in sports for nothing. Battier has made a career out of being smart both on and off the court and finding a way to connect with his team and fans on more than just a professional and athletic level.

“You hope to make a connection with the community that you are a part of. I was proud of my five years in Houston, it was an amazing ride. So many great relationships were started and I am proud that I had an impact in my years in Houston,” Battier wrote in an email interview.

Off the court, the guy loves Houston just as much as Houston loves (and misses) him. Battier and his wife Heidi were sad to leave Houston and sell their Southampton house, which they refer to as their “favorite.” The couple also misses all the amazing meals they’ve shared over the years at two Montrose hot spots — Da Marco and Dolce Vita.

Aside from his court smarts, one of the reasons Houston fans adored Battier was his laid-back nature — not afraid to sign autographs out and about, and certainly not afraid to sing a tune or two at Christian’s Tailgate on karaoke night.

“I will karaoke anytime, anywhere. My Way by Sinatra is just my bag,” he wrote. “One of the worst parts of being traded to Memphis mid year last year was cancelling our Clutch City Karaoke event in Houston to benefit The Battier Take Charge Foundation.

“I’d like to think that I am not that different from any other family man. I go to work (conditioning, shooting drills, lifting weights) and come home to hang out with my family, clean up after dinner, put the kids to bed and crack a Bud Light. Pretty standard really.”

(Coincidentally or not, Bud Light just so happens to be the best selling beer in Texas. Presumably another reason Shane misses H-Town?)

Even though it’s been half a season since Battier left, lifelong Rockets fan, Justin Capetillo, still misses seeing him on the court. “I miss his hustle and heart,” Capetillo said. “He was the ideal ‘team’ player, and any team is lucky to have his leadership. I don’t really like the Heat, but hope Battier finally gets his ring.”

Native Houstonian Dan Kuehn feels the same way. “I miss his gritty play and his witty interviews,” Kuehn said. “He plays the game with heart, brains, and passion. No one can argue that.”

And it’s not just the fans that miss him. The lovable, huggable Clutch mascot shared his sentiments on No. 31 saying, “Shane was one of my favorite players from my 17 years with the Rockets. He’s a standup guy — both on and off the court. He exemplified professional basketball at its finest. I miss him dearly.”

Speaking of his new team, when I asked Shane how he felt about his old teammates (who he’ll play April 22 in Miami), his response was simple, “I will be excited to play my guys on the Rockets. It will be strange but they will want to beat me as much as I want to beat them. For pride.

“If they brought me some fajitas from Lupe Tortilla or El Tiempo I’d be a happy man.”

Duly noted Shane, duly noted.

This article was featured on Culture Map, Houston’s Daily Digital Magazine in the sport’s section.

This was also part of The Blonde Side’s 30 Before 30 series.

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No Time To Celebrate Last Year’s Successes

With 48 seconds left on the pregame clock before the Mavs’ season opener, the Miami Heat scurried off the court into the dark quarters of the visiting locker room. On the court, however, the Mavs and their fans celebrated something they’ve waited 31 long-suffering years for – the raising of a NBA Championship banner to proudly hang at American Airlines Center.

What better way for Mavs fans to celebrate Christmas than with the finest gift the NBA offers – the championship banner, which even came wrapped in black cloth like a regular ol’ Christmas present. The historical ceremony was chock full of last season’s highlights including dunks from Dirk, multiple fadeaways against none other than Miami’s big three, more dunks from Dirk, Jason Kidd getting fouled in the paint and more violent dunks from Dirk over LeBron’s head-banded head. With every memorable basket the crowd grew louder and louder with uncontrollable passion.

After the game, the media questioned Coach Spoelstra on his team’s absence on the court during the ceremonious banner raising. The media has been buzzing with rumors on how the big three, especially former finals MVP Dwyane Wade would feel during the ceremony having been on the other side; the literal other side when the Heat beat the Mavs back in the 2006 finals. “We did it out of respect. Other teams do that when we retire jerseys – it’s their moment. That’s a good storyline, but we did it out of respect, no other reason,” Spoelstra said in response to the media’s bait.

But it wasn’t LeBron who got the biggest boos of the day; no, those were reserved for none other than Commissioner David Stern. Every single fan clad in Mavs blue directed their audible criticisms at The Commish – all while the poor guy was congratulating the hometown champs and their city on last year’s prodigious victory. Knowing his recent standings with fans, he kept his approbatory speech short and sweet – less than 53 seconds of talk time from the man many hold solely responsible for the shortened season (now a 66 game season versus the customary 82). Stern quickly handed the microphone over to Jason Terry and the sold-out crowd once again erupted with triumph.

But not for long. As soon as the banner reached the top of the JumboTron, fans ran out of things to celebrate. The only time the Mavs actually led the Heat was when Chris Bosh muffed up yet another tipoff. Shortly after, the celebrations for the hometown team quieted down only to pique once more for the standing ovation they gave Lamar Odom as he entered the game in the first quarter. Rightly so, because just seconds after, he drained his first shot in a Mavs uniform, sinking a three-pointer from behind the arch. Fans went wild. Probably more so for Khlomar, but wild, nonetheless.

Heading into the game, the Mavs were the only active team undefeated on Christmas day (2-0), but the Heat came to play with a lot to prove. As one member of the media commented outside their locker room, “they [Heat] played angry.” And not just because their last game was a loss on their own home court, which cost them their very own championship banner in “South Beach,” but the last time the Heat beat the Mavericks in the regular season was March 26, 2004. That’s a whole lot of love lost for the two teams.

These two teams have had a lot of back in forth in the way of stats. Eight of the last 10 defending champs have followed their championship season with a season-opening victory the next year. The last team to lose a season-opener after winning it all? You guessed it – the Miami Heat. On June 12, 2011 when the Mavs secured their first NBA title in franchise history, they beat the Heat on the road 105 – 95. Yesterday afternoon, Miami virtually reversed those numbers winning 105-94.

As a highly publicized finals rematch, there wasn’t much for the Mavs to celebrate or look at, unless you counted the pretty new banner. While it’s only the first game of the season, fans are hoping they are left with much more than a ticket stub and replica championship banner to hang in their homes and offices. With the abbreviated season already in motion, the Mavs don’t have the luxury of sitting around and applauding themselves on last year’s success – it’s time to play ball like the champions they are.

While the Mavs certainly had something to celebrate before the game, it became clear after the game they have more work than celebration ahead of them. Lets hope they bring the A-game that Dallas fans have become accustomed to sooner rather than later.  Game two saw a similar result against the Denver Nuggets. Their third attempt to get it straightened out is tonight in Oklahoma City – It doesn’t get any easier.

This article was featured on Scoreboard Daily, a comprehensive sport’s publication in Dallas/Fort Worth.

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Happy Anniversary Lambeau Leap

Photo courtesy of NFL.com

Remember when Paris Hilton and crew accidentally leaked her sex tape back in ‘04 and all of a sudden she became famous? It paved the way for people like Dustin Diamond, Kim Kardashian and even Laurence Fishburne’s daughter to leak their very own junior varsity level sex tapes and caught on like white trash wildfire on the Jersey Shore. Well, that’s kind of what happened with the Lambeau Leap. Kind of.

Today Packers fans, let me be the first to wish you Happy Anniversary on your beloved illustrious celebratory spring into the end zone. Eighteen years ago, on the third coldest day at Lambeau (only behind the 1967 duly named Ice Bowl and the 2007 NFC championship against the Giants), the inaugural Lambeau Leap took shape from none other than safety, LeRoy Butler.

“Because I had pointed, the fans knew what they had to do. I go up into the green padding … and when I’m halfway up, a guy starts pulling me up the rest of the way. Everyone right behind him grabs on. Everyone is screaming and yelling. Some are complimenting me with ‘Awesome’ or ‘Good job.’ It only lasts 2 or 3 seconds, and I’m back down. It’s an incredible feeling as I run back to the bench. Dorsey Levens and a lot of other teammates keep telling me how cool that moment was. It took off from there. Ever since, every time we make a big play, there’s the Lambeau Leap,” Butler explained in his autobiography, From Wheelchair to the Lambeau Leap. This perfectly timed jump, which has since been coined “the baptism of touchdown scoring Packers,” was their way to celebrate clinching the playoffs for the first time in over a decade. Cause for celebration indeed.

Since that historic day, the Lambeau Leap has become a welcome staple, or rite of passage, inside Lambeau Field, claiming the first four rows in the end zone areas. As someone who witnessed the wielding Green Bay crowd in person last month for MNF against the Vikings, there is only one thing that can make Packers fans even crazier – that is the Lambeau Leap. (Scratch that, two things, the other being Aaron Rodgers and his superman-like abilities.) Crazy attire aside, those seats and the fans in them are no joke, carrying a $450/ticket price tag just to sit in history – literally. The leap is so legendary it’s been added to popular video game celebrations like Madden over the years.

As the NFL rules get stricter and stricter each year (no tweeting, no excessive celebrations, no tackling Tim Tebow or it’ll automatically be a roughing the passer call, etc), the Lambeau Leap and all its glory has remained mostly in tact. Former NFL commish Paul Tagliabue grandfathered the celebratory act into the new rules on post-scoring celebrations. The only two stringent rules were that only one player can jump into the stands at a time, and the leap must end before the extra point is kicked. Everything else (so far) is fair game.

So You Think You Can Leap? Here’s a simple how-to on mastering the gravity-defying leap:

1. Get a running start directly from the end zone, do not pass go. There is no time for an end zone dance; the only thing that matters is one successful leap into the fans. That is your end zone dance.

2. Look directly at the crazed fans in the first four rows of the end zone. You will need them for support (in more ways than one, depending on your ups).

3. Aim for the lowest dip in the wall at the base of the end zone. I know you show-boaters will want to aim high, but as a rookie leaper, let’s start small and work our way up. Deal?

4. Also when it comes to aiming – aim for fans dressed in green and gold. An actual cheesehead is a plus. This’ll only make your leap that much more picture-worthy – it may even end up on SportsCenter – or better yet, Facebook!

5. Leap into the air in an outward and upward motion, facing the fans. If you’re of veteran status, you can try to turn mid-air and sit on the wall for additional style points. As with any elite athletic maneuver, know your move before hand and commit to it.

6. If done correctly, you’ll spill at least two beers (the fans won’t care at all), get at least 10 helmet taps and 12 ass grabs. If you look or play like Aaron Rodgers, multiply those numbers by seven.

7. Don’t stay in leap position for an extended period of time – your leap must be completed before the extra point is kicked.

This may sound easy, especially for an athlete, but I can assure you it’s no easy feat. Packer legend, Donald Driver had a failed and trite attempt at his first go-round with the leap. Many players, Driver included, admitted to watching film of former WR Robert Brooks perfecting the full body launch into a sea of green. If only Vikings cornerback Fred Smoot had dutifully watched video, he would have thought better of trying to mimic the move.

It took Brett Favre 15 seasons to even attempt his first leap. Apparently, at some point even he was camera shy. My how things have changed. But not Aaron Rodgers. He claims he’d waited with baited breath for years as Favre’s backup to do his very own Lambeau Leap, which he did his very first game as a starter after he scored a game-winning TD on a perfect quarterback sneak.

LeRoy Butler was later inducted into the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame in ’07, but whether it was for his role in 181 games in a Packers uniform, or performing the inaugural Leap which created a sensational tradition in the wide world of sports, that’s for you to judge. Note, Butler was also the first defensive back in NFL history to gain entrance into the 20 sack | 20 interception club, so perhaps he was inducted for multiple reasons.

So Packers fans, as you celebrate last night’s savage beating on the Chicago Bears and today’s Lambeau Leap Anniversary, I ask you to find a designated driver, because as someone born in Wisconsin, I know exactly how your kind celebrates. I also encourage you to continue making this leap famous, and stay away from starring in your own sex tapes. #GoPackGo

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The SPORT of Log Rolling

Jenny Atkinson and Shana Martin (photo courtesy of STIHL Timbersports)

Yes, the sport. You read it right. Because after much scrutinization, lots of questions, and my own feeble attempts, I have hereby deemed women’s professional log rolling a sport. Not that anyone asked me, but I can vouch it’s a verifiable sport that commands a verifiable athlete, and nothing less. And you should try it.

Without question, log rolling requires an array of sport’s related attributes such as lightning fast foot speed, leg and core strength, obvious balance, agility and an extreme level of focus. Pretty much the exact same characteristics a star running back or starting point guard would need to ensure success, so again I declare it a sport.

I asked three-time world log rolling champion Shana Martin what she says to critics who denounce log rolling as a sport. Her response, “I tell them to get up and try it for themselves. It works every time.”

Which is exactly what I got to witness a few months back at the 2011 STIHL Timbersports Series at the Oregon State Fair. Naysayers in the form of men, women and kids alike jumped up on the log to give this unprecedented sport a run. I didn’t see a single person last longer than 4 seconds, including the muscle head boasting his afternoon protein shake who got launched by a 120lb chick in a sport’s bra and lululemon speed shorts.

As a certified fitness instructor, Martin knows wholly what it takes to accurately call something a sport, and more so what makes an athlete – both of which she and log rolling without a doubt are. Fierce competitor, and friend off the log, Jenny Atkinson, is another paradigm of pure fitness training at least 5 times a week. Both women keep their coveted sculpted bodies by log rolling, boom running, cross training, cycling, lifting weights, running bleachers, hell sprints and whatever else they can get into.

Not that a sport is validated based on its monetary value, but professional log rolling is a far cry away from NFL financial status. Even still a far cry away from arena football. Probably even still a far cry from peewee football, especially if you live in Texas where football, even at the age of 3 is cutthroat, serious, and financially sound. Though there are professional log rolling tournaments across the country (mostly in the Midwest) where women bring their toned and strength conditioned bodies to compete for purses of varying prize money, like most underrated women’s sports, funding is being cut. Just one of the reasons keeping Martin and Atkinson from becoming household names.

Shana Martin and Katie Rick (photo courtesy of STIHL Timbersports)

I had the distinct pleasure of spending some real-time with Martin, Atkinson and another top competitor, Katie Rick after their first day of events at the STIHL Timbersports series. Despite not having an “official” competition at this year’s event, all three are confident the sport will make a splashing comeback. “Everyone that has ever tried log rolling seems to catch the bug and fall in love,” Rick says. “We spend much of our free time fostering youth to fall in love with the sport just like we did, all of us before we were ten, to help grow awareness of it,” she adds. I countered asking Martin if she was afraid of the domino effect. Aren’t you afraid the more women you introduce the sport to, the tougher the competition will get, potentially pushing you out? “I’m more afraid of the sport dissolving,” she said flatly. “And what real athlete is afraid of competition?” she asked.

This may be the first time you’ve heard of this wooden sport, but it’s not new by any means. With a little more funding, more mainstream media, and dedicated women like Martin, Atkinson and Rick, this will again be a televised sport. And not just in the background of the movie Precious.

To find out more information about getting involved, visit USLogRolling.com.  To date there are NO places to log roll (legitimately) in Texas, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get with the fine folks at US Log Rolling and start something up. I smell a New Year’s Resolution for someone out there?

This article was featured on Culture Map, Houston’s Daily Digital Magazine in the sport’s section.

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FREELANCE + SPORTS + TRAVEL + FITNESS
COPYRIGHT 2019, THE BLONDE SIDE
CREATED BY JAYME LAMM